Thursday, September 9, 2010

1893

If the internet is not lying to me, that's my basal metabolic rate when I am exercising regularly. I definitely do not usually eat that many calories in a day, so I guess that would explain why I am still losing weight even though I don't particularly want to. Instead of being pissed when I'm getting dressed in the morning because my pants are too tight, now I'm pissed because they're too loose. (Yes, I know, I know, everything's a fucking problem with me.) But I don't understand how I'm even supposed to eat that many calories in a day without eating crap. Yeah, when you're regularly fitting Dunkin Donuts muffins and Starbucks green tea lattes and Lays chips in the yellow bag into your daily eating plan, 1893 is wicked easy. But on mostly meat, salad, and fruit it isn't, even when you add in plenty of cheese and almond butter, and drink cream in your coffee.

So my boss and I were just having a discussion about this kind of stuff--I was asking him what he does when he goes to the gym, because he goes several times a week. He mentioned that he wasn't really sure if it made him feel any better, though maybe if he didn't go, he'd feel worse. I said, "Well, maybe you'd be fat." He said, "FattER." And I totally didn't believe him when he said that according to the BMI, he's just overweight. He looks thin to me, though of course I always see him in dress pants and a jacket. He pulled out his iPhone (yup, he's another one of *those* people) and pulled up the BMI app for me. He's less than one pound into the "overweight" range.

I told him to go poop*** and he'll be officially healthy weight again. There are simple solutions to every problem! Except for how I can eat 1900 calories a day without cookies.

xoxo

***you want to work in my office, dontcha? even without Our Lil MILF here, we still manage to entertain ourselves

8 comments:

Craig H said...

I have the solution, and they're called Scotch eggs, and you can get an endless supply of them at Thwaite's Market in Methuen for 1.99 each. (I'm suspicious their meat pies will work as well, though I'm so full on Scotch eggs right now that experiment will have to wait). If only you had a spot like Dharma Buns down the street from your place... ;-)

malevolent andrea said...

I had to google! Unfortunately, even though as we've discussed many times, deep-frying makes everything better, I am not a big fan of the hard boiled egg.

And you tell those Dharma Buns people for me they need to open another branch. My friendly neighborhood biker bar appears to be shuttered permanently; it probably wouldn't take much to turn it into a sandwich shop. I'm sure when the customers who haven't taken notice of the change of ownership wander in to try and buy coke, they'd be just as happy to get a Reuben instead. :-)

Craig H said...

Do not give up on the hard boiled eggs yet--with Scotch eggs, you not only have the deep frying going for you, which is a considerable point in their favor, but, also, once you reach the little sausage wrapper beneath the fried coating, everything is bliss. Promise.

malevolent andrea said...

Why can't someone just invent deep fried sausage balls then and skip the whole nasty boiled egg problem altogether? :-)

Uncle said...

My ex-sister-in-law decided the way to make certain boiled Polish pastries more interesting was to deep fry them, so she was halfway there. But are Scotch eggs related to pickled eggs? They go great with beer, but I suppose that's off the diet too :(

malevolent andrea said...

I have had a beer a week, and sometimes two, the entire time I've been eating healthier and losing weight. I will give up cookies, I will give up Starbucks sugar bombs, I will give up chips even when I have PMS, but as god is m witness, I will NOT totally give up beer. That's just wrong :-)

malevolent andrea said...

My y key is sticking. Or, m ke is sticking.

Uncle said...

You must have poured beer on it :-)