I just finished Candy Girl, Diablo Cody's book, which a kind blog reader lent me. It's funny, in a make-fun-of-everything-but-especially-herself kind of way. And it has lists! (My favorite? The ten worst songs to strip to. Diablo: #7, any Eminem song about matricide, Quaaludes, or fatherhood. Andrea: Oh, c'mon, that's all the good ones!)
So, basically, you know where this is going, right? I read this book, and go, yeah, I could write that. Except for never having been a stripper for a year and thus having no insights on the sex industry. So then I think, well, yeah, I could write a sarcastic, vaguely self-deprecating but charming memoir (with lists!) if only my life wasn't so fucking ordinary and lacking in experiences anyone would like to read about.
But that's not true either, is it? I've lived through my only child having two psychotic breaks and being diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia, and I've come through it with not just a lot of painful recollections, but a bunch of fairly hilarious (in a laugh-or-you'll-cry kinda way) anecdotes. I mean, *that* book might be less Diablo Cody and more Augustin Burroughs or David Sedaris (why do gay guys have the writing market cornered on the "turn the most horrific life experiences into gut-bustingly funny reading" books and isn't it time for a het girl to write one?) but I even have the subtitle for it: Dispatches from the Mother of the World's Politest Psychotic. But you know I'd never invade D's privacy by writing that book.
Oh, and there are other not-quite-routine portions of my life, some of which other people have been known to find both amusing and titillating. But I'd never write that book either. At least under my own name.
Maybe I just need a snappy new fake name, much like Diablo Cody. If my name wasn't Andrea, who would I be?
xoxo
8 comments:
Well, there's always that name of whose marvelous PG adventures these are... ;-)
Much like running for political office, I think a willingness to abuse (or an effective, even if not intended, disregard for) the privacy of ones family and friends is a prerequisite for bold artistic endeavor. The better question might be, if your story isn't your own to share, then whose might it be, instead?
I vote witty pseudonym and/or hiring someone to be the putative pen. I'm planning to hire a proxy to cash in my lottery winnings when I win them, and, yes, I do believe if you're meant to win there's no reason not to expect you'll find the winning ticket on the street somewhere, which is to say, if you want to be who you are, then you're going to need to write your book. You're a writer. Simple truth.
I have very little dignity, as you people well know, but even I refuse to enter the Library of Congress as the fabled, um, "PG". So I'm gonna need a new pseudonym if I intend to use one. :-)
When I was six, I wanted my name to be Isobel. Just sayin'.
btw, sorry for the deleted comment, but my window came back with an error, and when I reloaded, it posted the same thing a second time...
Isobel, eh? Advantageous that it's not a common spelling, and a very nice name indeed. I like it. Now all you need is a last name. I vote for an homage to Wake. (I won't spell it out, just in case you like it, so that when the papparazzi do Google searches on it in a few years to try to discover the genius behind the pseudonym, they won't find this blog comment to connect the first and last names to the marvelous adventures--just a lot of Kad Barma postings extolling the Sox pitcher extraordinaire, and some other odd references to some song by Bjork, which I looked up just to make sure the tracks would be covered). Take it from someone who found out the hard way, you can never be too careful with writing about personal things on the internet.
The problem with the whole pseudonym solution is that, when you do make it big, like Diablo Cody or Augustin Burroughs, everyone finds out your real name anyway.
But I guess if they hire Drew Barrymore to play me in the film adaptation, I'd get over having my loved ones' privacy invaded. ;-)
I tackily consulted a rock star name generator that said you were Beth Daly.
Halfway there: what about Isobel Daly?
According to the Sarah Palin baby name generator, I should be Krinkle Bearcat Palin!
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