group therapy and the secret to happiness

M2 told me this great story yesterday. Many years ago, in the early years of her marriage, she and her husband participated in a couples therapy/marriage encounter seminar. (Why, yes, by many years ago I do mean the 70s. Why do you ask?) They participated in this group not so much because they wanted to or felt they needed to, but because at the time her husband was like an RA in graduate student housing, or something of the sort, and doing a lot of conflict resolution and leading of groups and it was more or less expected that he be in group therapy himself.

Of all the dysfunctional people/couples in the group, the one M2 remembers most vividly is a completely off-the-charts crazee controlling and OCD woman who freely admitted, and found nothing wrong with, the fact that she could not go to bed at night until she completely scrubbed the toilet after everyone had used it and restored it to a totally pristine state. (I'm not sure if her husband was allowed to pee if he woke up during the night with the need, but I'm guessing no.) But the reason M2 frequently thinks of this woman, with a tiny stab of loathing in her heart, when she cleans her own bathroom, is that she felt compelled to come up to M2 at the end of the group and tell her that no matter how bad her own relationship was, she felt comforted that at least they weren't as dysfunctional as M2 and her spouse.

Now, it so happens that several months later M2 and Mr M2 were in fact at a point where they considered splitting up, but (in M2's words) they were both too lazy to do anything about it. And here they are over thirty years later, still together and doing just fine, so--I must point out to you all--this is another case of laziness being completely vindicated. But despite serious almost-divorce-worthy marital problems in the offing, it still galls M2 all these years later that Crazee Controlling Obsessive-Cleaning Chick would see her relationship as worse than her own.

But, as she told me, laughing, that appeared to be the main benefit, if not the actual point, of the group therapy. Every single participant, no matter how dysfunctional, no matter how miserable, left thinking, well, crap, at least we're not as bad as *them*, towards at least one "them."

I'm thinking this is actually the secret to all human happiness. As long as you can look around and think, hey! at least I'm not as completely fucked as so-n-so!, you too can feel that life is totally worth living.

xoxo