cleanin' out my closet

See, I was decluttering tonight!

Can I tell you what I threw out from the top shelf of one of my bedroom closets? My income tax documents from 1987. Go ahead, mock me. People who have tax returns they filled out during the Reagan administration deserve merciless ridicule, I admit it. I made $20,000 in 1987. I would mock that, too, except for the sad fact that I didn't make all that much more than that in 2006, the year I was in school full time the entire year and D was in the hospital. Which I'm sure we can all agree goes a long way towards explaining why I ran out of money in December 2006 and bounced the one and only check I ever bounced in my 25 years as an Eastern Bank customer, and why I've been working so hard at rebuilding my savings in the intervening months, buying hardly any new shoes at all and only furniture from overstock that's 40% off or better.

I also cleaned out two more trash bags full of clothes for charity. While I was doing that, and making some painful decisions, lemme tell you, I came across a dress I bought in probably 1998 or 1999 and have never worn. The story of this garment is this: I bought it at Banana Republic off the super discount end of the season sale rack without trying it on, just grabbing it because it was the size I always wore at BR in those days and there was one left and it was, I dunno, 70% off or something. And then when I got it home it was a tiny bit too tight in the hips, partly because it was a very constructed dress made of that thick nubby silk with no stretch to it whatsoever. Now, I have spent my whole adult life bouncing up and down over a twenty five pound or so range of weight, so I figured, hell, if I'm five pounds lighter next summer this dress will be fine, and into the closet it went. Well, I've spent the past ten years or so periodically trying this dress on and every time I have, swear to god, it's been either too tight or too loose. But, oh Goldilocks, today it was just right. I think this means I need to take it to the dry cleaners tomorrow and then wear it out to dinner or something some time in the next three weeks before it suddenly gets too cold for it to be seasonally appropriate, because this may be my only window of opportunity for another ten years.

I also have a black velvet cocktail dress in that same closet, never worn, tags still on, of similar vintage, that I bought with L at the Ann Taylor outlet when the Worcester Common Fashion Outlets used to exist. It was $160 marked down to thirty bucks, and it was beautiful, even though I had nowhere to wear it to and it was slightly too big. By the time an event came along that it would have been perfect for, I was super-skinny (for me), and it was way too big. As of today, it's back to being just a teeny tiny bit too large--like it could come in maybe an inch at the bodice and waist--but it's still beautiful. I put it on and spent like ten minutes in front of the bathroom mirror admiring how gorgeous it made my shoulders and collarbones look, because obviously I'm self-absorbed and also a dork. But honestly, blog readers, come about November when black velvet cocktail dresses become seasonally appropriate, at least one of you all should invite me to something that would involve me taking the tags off that dress finally. Because it rocks the fucking house, as do my collarbones. I'm just telling you this in advance so yous have plenty of time to start planning the swanky Xmas party that would do my dress justice. Because I'm considerate like that.

xoxo