...but do get to express horror, and ask a question.
Okay, I had a whole rant worked up to write about when I got home, all about how the goddamn Commonwealth of Massachusetts called me for jury duty last April (if you remember) and then cancelled my whole panel, and didn't send my written notice thereof, which meant I almost went (if you remember) but then I checked the website, and anyway, how that meant I was still eligible to be called again, and how in my mail today, yup, yup, there was my summons for January 5th, which means there probably will actually be cases, 'cause there'll be a holiday backlog, and how that was okay, because I am not averse to doing my civic duty, but how instead of calling me to one of the three--count 'em, three!--major courts within a three mile radius of my house, *this* time they were summoning me to the most inconvenient of all possible venues, and how yeah, I immediately requested a hardship transfer, but they're so snotty on the notice about distance and inconvenience not being a hardship, I had no idea if it would be granted, and how, again, I don't mind being a good citizen and I was all ready to go last April, but why do they have to make everything so fucking hard? I had that whole rant pent up and ready to go, when I checked my email and found that, less than two hours after I made the online request, they approved my transfer to the court of my choice. Um, so never mind.
Ahem.
But I guess I can express my horror, because I'm sure you want to know about that. My friend and coworker M1 is one of those joke email forwarding people. (Nobody's perfect, yo.) Well, yesterday, I was in the next room and I heard Townie Girl cracking up over something M1 had just sent her and saying, "Are you *kidding* me? OMG!" and other expressions of horrified amusement. So I came out to see what it was. Have you heard of peopleofwalmart.com? A couple of M1's forwarded emails were a "best of" compendium. In case you haven't heard of it, this is a website of actual photos of WalMart customers across the nation in all their, um, splendor. I had to check the site out for myself. Some of it is just mean. I don't think slagging on people for being unattractive or fat or, in some cases, apparently mentally ill is amusing, but again, I'm not in 7th grade anymore. But some of it? Holy shit, these people bring the horrified mockery upon themselves.
Case in point: scrawny elderly gentleman wearing a t-shirt that says "leg rests" with arrows pointing to his shoulders. Dude. First of all, even if you *are* still getting any, we all refuse to believe it's with anyone limber enough to get her ankles up there. Secondly, see above. Some jokes stopped being funny in middle school, or as they called it in my and your day, junior high. Thirdly, one would hope once a person was old enough to be a great-grandfather (oh, who are we kidding? this was probably in Mississippi, so let's go with great-great-grandfather) he would have enough class, or even klass, not to wear obscene t-shirts in public. God bless America. So, yeah, some of it, you can't look at without laughing and cringing at the same time.
This led to some discussion of what we personally have seen out and about. I had to mention the woman in the Vinnin Square*** Stop & Shop wearing the cutoffs so short, literally 50% of her asscheeks were visible. M1 said there's an old woman she sees in her neck of the woods who wears a(n askew) wig, three inch heels, tight "sexy" clothes, and bright red circles of rouge on her cheeks. Aw, I had to stick up for the old woman, because, as I told M1 and Townie Girl, when I am 80 and my eyesight has gone, I'm *sure* I'll be doing my makeup like that. It would be bad karma to laugh now. Also, I am totally sure that old woman looks in the mirror and thinks she looks exactly the way she did when she was 25. As delusions go, that's a pretty harmless and happy one, yo.
Finally--don't ask why--a thought occurred to me today that I have never had before. I'll throw it out to you all. Why is not wearing underwear called going commando? Try as I might, I don't see the connection. Help me out here.
xoxo
***in case you are unfamiliar, a relatively upscale location
4 comments:
People of Walmart would be hilarious but for the recollection that a)these people can vote; b)they believe everything Preacher tells them; c)they believe everything the Koch Brothers tell them.
Sigh.
I have an idea about going commando but the narrative is too long.
Okay, I broke down and wiki'd. Speculation is that it started in the early 70s and refers to the fact that soldiers in Vietnam were reputed to go sans underwear b/c of moisture issues. Whatcha think?
From what I've heard, in most of Vietnam you could have worn sponge jeans and still had moisture issues.
In my part of the era, a lot of sailors skipped the skivvies just to cut down on laundry...and no one who valued their teeth would ever call them commandos.
Someone should invent sponge jeans. I'd wear them to the gym!
:-)
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