in my mid-forties

...and I swear to god, I still am not quite confident in my understanding of how the world works in certain situations. It's a pity. I wonder if there's neuropsych testing they could do to identify exactly what part of my brain is lacking.

So here's the situation, boys and girls. Remember my story about my free taxi ride to work on Friday, and how it was a delightful and amusing surprise? Well, I got another one today, and while it was a surprise, it wasn't quite so delightful. More...slightly uncomfortable. Because now there's this whole layer of: when does "nice guy" turn into "creepy stalker guy"? Not that I think this guy is really creepy stalker guy. We kind of got that out of the way right away with a joke.

Me: So, what? Are you just driving back and forth aimlessly between [blank] and [blank], haha?

Him: Yeah. Looking for you, haha.

And, yeah, the real deal is that he wasn't actually supposed to be driving, but he'd given one of his employees a day off and then someone else called in sick. He really didn't think they needed him, and he really didn't want to be working, so he'd told his dispatcher not to call him unless they got backed up, and he was headed back to his house. Which is, coincidentally, near my place of employment. All innocent enough, right?, and if he happened to see me standing at the bus stop and he's going my way...

Except, yeah. Do I need to start avoiding him because now he knows what time I go to work on the days I go to work early, and apparently he's in my neighborhood a lot at that time, and there's only so many free taxi rides I can accept before I think I'm sending a message I don't want to send? I mean, is there any way in hell this guy is doing this *just* to be nice? He's doing it to be nice because he thinks I'm cute. Or, much more uncomfortably, because he thinks I'm cute and he'd like in my pants. Which, needless to say, has no chance of happening.

So I do what? Avoid him? Start "innocently" bringing up "my boyfriend" in conversation? Bluntly say, "Look, dude, I can't keep accepting free transportation from you"? I tried today with the, "So, can I pay you?" as he was dropping me off and he said, "No. Get out of my cab. Haha." The whole thing is really ridiculously awkward. Especially since I would like to be able to maintain a business relationship, since D occasionally has to take a taxi, and I *like* this company. Sigh.

I'm sorry if you've heard this story from me before, but it's sort of my go-to lesson on how, as a woman, you can't just blithely assume a guy is being nice and how confusing it all can be. A good friend of mine's parents lived in sort of a resort community and when she would visit, she would often frequent a funky/artsy coffee shop in the area. And being, unlike me, a sociable and chatty sort, she would converse with the other patrons. Well, come to find out, one of them, older than she, was (early) retired from an industry my friend was very interested in getting into. They had a bunch of professional conversations about that when they'd run into each other, and my friend really thought this guy was interested in advising her in a friendly, mentorly way. So much so that when he invited her to come to his house for dinner and more chat, she accepted. Until the day of (or day before?) the dinner, she started then getting very strong hints that, unlike the offer was presented, the guy was actually thinking of this as a date. To forestall any awkwardness or unpleasantness about that, she told him outright that she was in a relationship. At which point he--and I'm not making this up--withdrew the dinner invitation. All the offers of help and advice and friendship fell by the wayside immediately when he realized there was no chance he was getting sex.

My friend was pretty nonplussed by this whole thing, as was I in the retelling, because it's like, what? You can't ever accept kindness from a guy you don't know well? You can't ever assume someone really wants to be your friend, even if that's how he's presenting himself? You always have to be a complete bitch if you're not interested? Why does it have to be so confusing? And we're in our forties. Shouldn't we have figured all this out a long time ago?

I suppose I might have, if I wasn't socially retarded. Again, sigh.

xoxo