So, yeah. Here's the story, taken from another blog.
Woman writes in to an advice column. Obviously because she has no real friends (or, y'know, blog readers) to tell her troubles to. Her problem is thus: she is no longer physically attracted to her husband. He wants sex all the time; she wants sex (with him at least) never. She *tells* him she doesn't want sex because she finds him repulsive. Though maybe she doesn't use language quite that blunt. But I'm sure the message gets across. He gets angry and hurt. He tells her that if she really loved him, it wouldn't matter what he looks like. They fight a lot. Sometimes she gives in and has sex with him just to stop him from yelling, whining, and bitching. Then she feels "violated."
There are so very many layers of wrong to the above, I can't even hardly start listing them. But I can use a nice double negative because my writing skillz rock so hard. Where was I? Oh, yeah. There's the fact that people who don't have sex, have frequent arguments (some of which involve screaming on the part of at least one of the parties involved), and at least one of whom finds the other to be gross, are not just drawing up the divorce papers even as we speak. You want to stay together why, now? There's the fact that anyone would actually come out and tell somebody they have entered into matrimony with that they won't have sex with them because "ewww, I hate your body." And the fact that the person who would do such a thing would not then understand why the other party would be upset, rather than saying, "oh, sure, sweetheart, I'll just change my appearance for you so you can love me again!" And the fact that the person being so humiliated and insulted and disrespected by their spouse would still be seeking sex with her. (I mean, I *know* you guys have penises and all, and it leads to behavior I myself often do not understand, but if my [imaginary] spouse told me he found my looks nauseating, I wouldn't be begging him to reconsider and screw me, I'd be out finding someone else who'd be all too happy to do me.)
But the layer of this that absolutely makes me apoplectic is that the blogger who went off on it claimed that the wife was being "raped." Um, no. I'm sorry. I am a feminist. I stick up for myself and my fellow womankind. But I am not down with the idea that you can consent to sex with your husband just to shut him up and then consider that you have been "violated" or have other people use the word rape in conjunction with the incident.
If no means no, then yes also means yes. Okay, if someone coerces you into fucking them because if you don't they'll fire you or beat you up, that's sexual assault. But if someone "coerces" you into fucking them by whining, pouting, yelling, or otherwise behaving like a tantruming two year old, and you let them, you have not been raped, assaulted, or violated. Just because the next day you feel weak and shitty about having said "yes" doesn't mean you get to withdraw your consent retroactively. You violated yourself, honey. Deal.
In summary, I hate both members of this couple, and I don't even know them or know that they in fact exist. But I *still* got a free taxi ride to work today, so that's cool.
xoxo
7 comments:
Don't forget that sometimes, every once in awhile, the motivation isn't even penile, but, rather, a base absence of self-respect combined with desperate need to feel loved... And there isn't much to compare with the feelings of violation that go with that kind of rejection.
To which the Rock and Roll Doctor officially prescribes both philandering and divorce, though not necessarily in that order.
Oh, if only I had it to do all over again...
Is it philandering if you get the divorce *first*??? Where'd I put my dictionary? :-) :-)
(I was writing a whole nother set of complaints regarding Michelle Obama and her shorts controversy, but someone walked in and started talking to me about actual work-related matters [the nerve!!!] I'm never going to get caught up at this rate.)
I like to think, if it's done right, it can ALWAYS be referred to as philandering.
There are so many followup jokes to be made here, I can't even begin to choose just one.
Though my thoughts keep wandering to: "You're a big shot on the condo board. Make it happen!" ahahaha
(Blog readers! Just trust me when I tell you that the above is indeed "philandering"-related and you don't wanna know. Or maybe you do. Too bad for you! :-))
Oh c'mon! It's just that "philandering" rolls off the tongue so easily....
This sounds, er, like a frequent topic of conversation elsewhere. So I'll repeat what I said so many times elsewhere that I got bored and returned to this planet. After a certain number of years, there are a number of other reasons to stay married after the sexual threshold has gone by, most of them economic. In our case there are upwards of half a million excellent reasons to stay married. Let us all recall that, religious twaddle aside, marriage was a business contract long before it was anything else. I'm the last one to disparage screwing, but it isn't necessarily the reason for the contract.
Not that I'm bitter or anything....
And incidentally, I like those Victorian glass crystal sparkly pulls and have them in the kitchen here. Very retro.
Oooo, what color are your cabinets? Between your reputed clawfoot tub and your crystal pulls, I might have Victorian house envy :-)
PS. The Red Sox suck. That is all.
In theory, the cabinets are white. They need a paint job.
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