Remember my telling you about D ordering the "right" fish oils online, because the ones I bought weren't just right, and how I had a pang of worry about that? Well, Monday he gets another box in the mail, from bodybuilder.com. Now, for you to understand why that concerned me, you need to know his history with the whole supplement thing. As I've probably mentioned before, all his original delusional stuff back when he first got sick was all body/health related. Back when he was a senior in high school and convinced that he had a body odor that only some people could smell or that he had a degenerative disease that was going to kill him within a year or god knows what other ones we went through, my kitchen cabinets were full of various supplements and quackery: colon cleanses and rubio tea and, again, I can't even tell you what all. So when I see he's buying supplements again, I can't help it, I start internally freaking. Not that millions of Americans, including me, don't. It's just his history that makes the red flags go up.
He was sleeping when his package came, so I told him, then I went to work. I didn't not say, "What the hell are you buying now!?!!" It might not be terribly apparent in this blog, but I do learn from experience. When I got home Monday night, the open box was on the floor next to the couch and I very casually sat down and looked at it. "What'd you get?" It was more fish oils, plus a bottle of liquid EFAs (i.e. as far as I can tell, expensive cod liver oil). He tells me he was reading that the liquid is better for you than capsules. Okay, then.
I don't know when it's going to stop: my being paranoid that everything is a symptom of psychosis, and his proving that, no, he's being perfectly rational and he's really much, much better. Maybe never. I'm a mom. We worry.
xoxo
1 comment:
The trouble with being crazy (speaking from experience) is that eve after you've achieved adjustment, you're still dragging baggage. No, don't feel guilty, it's not just yours: it's the stuff that rattles around inside and makes one suspect one's own actions.
If D is OK with his actions and his reasoning is rational, that should suffice. Of course you worry and I bet he appreciates that. He needs a little space to make some of his own decisions, and a bit of maternal worry to be there like training wheels in case the decisions aren't always as good as they should be.
Still very much in D's corner...and yours.
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