2.) Today is the two year anniversary. I guess I'm the kind of person who keeps track of things like that, for good or for ill. It's made me think about, if not dwell on, certain feelings I have about D and his illness.
Here's the thing. In most ways he's doing okay. Certainly he's completely compliant with his treatment, and I have no worries about that, something which many, many (if not most) parents in my position cannot say. So that's a comfort. I see incremental signs of improvement, as tiny and slow as they may be. So that's a comfort too. But it's still impossible for me to not be on my guard.
Example. D takes fish oil for his cholesterol, as well as for the reputed neurological benefits. Can't hurt, in any case. Well, for Christmas, as one of his stocking stuffers, I got him a bottle of Omega 3s from Trader Joe's. A month or two ago, he said to me, kind of out of the blue, that he thought he should only take the Trader Joe's ones from now on. And couldn't or wouldn't articulate why. When I went to replace them, Trader Joe's didn't have the exact same ones, so I bought what I thought was a reasonable substitution. He then went on the internet and searched until he found some that, while not Trader Joe's, were apparently exactly the same formulation, and mail-ordered them. It's really hard for me not to see this as some kind of disordered or compulsive thinking, and to be worried about it. And I couldn't tell you why.
Another example. About two and a half weeks ago, I woke up to find that he had done something that I had to consider Not Right, something reminiscent of some behavior he'd had when he was in psychotic mania. On top of that, he had a piece of paper he'd written some definitions of things on, which he didn't want me to see, and which was, again, reminiscent of past abnormal behavior. I was starting to feel upset, like "here we go again." I went online to check e-mail and there was e-mail from him. I was dreading opening it and it turned out to be...an lolcat, something he knew was going to crack me up. So, right back to Normal D from Possibly Sick D. I had to let go of my fears about the possibly-not-right behavior, but believe me, I've been watching.
The balance between possibly ignoring a relapse and being paranoid myself? Very fucking difficult.
xoxo
16 comments:
For what it's worth, from one OC to the description of another, that Trader Joe fish oil story sounds nothing but positive to me. My hapless ex once tried to buy me dental floss, without understanding the difference between "regular" and teflon-based flosses. If she or anyone else were to focus on my OC nature and its seemingly irrational insistence on Crest Glide brand floss they'd be missing the entire point of my renewed commitment to flossing. (And the fact that, because my teeth are so close together, that regular woven flosses all fray and split without doing the job successfully, unlike the teflon that really works for me). I think it's GREAT that D's developed a healthy passion for his Omega 3, and has taken the initiative to get the RIGHT kind. Yeah, some OC is OC, but sometimes there IS a difference in things, even though the less-familiar can't tell it. Which is to say, it'll be corn season soon enough, and I'll be damned if I'll have people suggesting I'm crazy just because they can't taste the difference when the corn is overcooked and the salt and pepper isn't applied just right.
Mr Barma has a point or two. It's easy...when you care and you're a mom...to see more than there may be in behaviours. Sure, you need to be vigilant, and you can't help but care. I suppose we care too.
Listen, I care a lot whether the corn is overcooked, whether is has been out of the field more than a few hours, and whether it's seasoned right. You *know* I'm "crazy," but being particular about some things hasn't kept me from getting on with life.
In your corner...and D's.
Unc, you pass the KB OC corn test if you transfer the corn to cold water the instant 7 minutes is up, then apply your salt and pepper to the pat of butter on the side of the plate before then buttering only the rows that you're going to eat on that pass. (Usually 4 at a time, but sometimes 5 if it's an 18-row ear and you'd otherwise be left with 2 stragglers at the end). ;-)
Okay, I'll try not to worry too much. But yous guys know how I am.
Does no one want to comment on my print?!?? I went ahead and ordered it already, so if you wanna say "damn, that's an ugly photo" it won't change my mind or alter the balance of the universe or anything.
(By the way, if you haven't already, you should go over to Mr Indemnity's blog and look at his New Orleans photos, because they kick ass. And I'm not just saying that because he took my editing suggestions on a couple of them :-))
Hey, thanks for the shout-out! :)
And I do like the print, great colors and very romantic. Kind of Mediterranean, with all the tile. Wish I was good enough to get shadows that looked like that!
I like it much more at the larger size. The details were lost in the smaller version on your web page, till I thought to click on it!
Then again I like my photos better at a larger size as well. Maybe I should make a new rule that all photos should be at least 4"x6". Would make carrying around ID cards a real pain, though.
It is Mediterrean--it's a hotel bedroom in Morrocco! I should have put in the link before, but it's
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5555715
in case you want to look at her other photos.
(Redacted blog comments are almost as intriguing as clues in the P-I-D mystery)
hahaha
Hey, you know I always let my Portuguese spam stand! Mr Indemnity just stuttered and double-commented, so I had to clean it up. Nuthin' here to see.
20 hours and we're already reading disclaimers ;-)
What?!???!! That wasn't a disclaimer. It was an explanation.
You people are so mean to me. :-PPP
Hey, that was pretty good guess with Mediterranean! The wall and especially ceiling tile work look pretty Islamic, but the floor looks much more modern... and the bed looks neither, which just goes to show that I haven't yet been to Morocco. I wonder how many fancy American bedrooms would have a tile floor, let alone the rest.
I went to the Esty page thinking there'd be an even bigger version of this photo, but it's not there at all. Did you take the very last one?
I'm thinking you should get nice prints of your favorite New Orleans photos (and Yucatan photos, whenever I finally get them looking pretty and put them up) and put those on your walls too. Bargain rate, I'll probably just charge you baked goods (which, given the way the economy is going, will be worth more than the dollar soon anyway).
As for double-commenting, that one was a complete mystery, as I'm sure I only clicked "Publish" once on this one. Something like that's happened to me here before, though... Several different times I've clicked "Preview" and it says "You requested the same operation twice" and then won't show me the preview... If I really work at it I can get the text back, but each time I'm sure I only clicked once.
I did get the last one! Though since it says to inquire about other sizes, I don't know why she doesn't leave it up there as an option.
Also, two things: You've been to Tunisia, which one would think was similar to Morocco, but you perhaps were sleeping in a tent there, not lovely scenic hotels? And, secondly, you and I both know that by the time you get around to printing out and enlarging photos, it'll be the fall, my birthday and Christmas will be coming up, and I won't have to exchange you any brownies for artwork. :-)
That's my plan anyway.
Sadly -- especially with the new Indiana Jones movie coming out -- I didn't sleep in a tent (with the lack of tent air conditioning and the smell of camels that's rather a good thing), but most of our hotels were mid-level resort hotels for European beachgoers, so the local influences were somewhat sparse (and Spartan) in the rooms, in favor of generic European.
Well, except for the hotel in Kairouan, which was created inside an old Arabic fortress... that really rocked. But even there the furnishings were pretty simple, as was the tilework everywhere except the bathroom (even the less fancy hotels around the Med sometimes have really fancy tilework in the bathrooms).
I've never been to Morocco, but Tunisia was a French colony while Morocco was a Spanish one (and always geographically much closer to Spain than Tunisia to France) so I wonder if that results in an approach to fancy bed and bedroom design (and room design in general) as different as France and Spain would be to each other? Guess I'll have to go to Morocco to find out!
Hey, you goaded me into putting in late nights towards getting my New Orleans pics up by claiming it would never happen, now you're going to goad me into actually getting one of my boxed printers unboxed and connected and printing out 8x10's... but you'll have to tell me what your favorite photos are first!
Let me add that the tilework in the Muslim shrines and other holy sites is just phenomenal--and it's pretty spectacular in most any older significant building. (Then again, the same could be said for the "House of Tiles" in Mexico City, though spectacular the quality probably wasn't up to the highest Muslim standards).
In places where few trees aren't going to be wasted just to create walls and floors, and it's often dusty, and the harsh sun and heat would fade paint quickly, etc. tile makes a lot of sense. But when your art can't be representational, all that repressed creativity really has to burst out somewhere...
Very late but yes, tres Mediterranean and more proof that there is sense behind their eroticism. It's an ideal, says I, spoken from a bedroom that is both untidy and a bit grim.
Mr B, I grew up in a farm town. When I worked in the local store, one of my side jobs was to call my mother when the local corn guru left his farm with a truckload of fresh-picked: that was how he paid his grocery bill. That was a tad later than prime, but way better than most options round heah.
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