books, covers

L came to visit this weekend, and among other things, we discussed the fact that we've been friends for almost 32 years. That's longer than most marriages last, we joked, and certainly the traditional marriage vows apply: richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. I could get sappily sentimental about what a blessing it is to have a friendship of such long duration, but that's not why I'm here.

There's a dress, a summer dress, hanging in my closet with the tags still attached, the weather having not cooperated hereforeto with its being donned, and L was admiring it. "Tarzhay," I told her, and later, when we were in Tarzhay picking up beach supplies, "See! There's my dress." She picked it up in the store for a closer look, still admiring, but asked, "Doesn't that make you look bigger?" I honestly didn't know what she was talking about. "These dresses with the empire waists...don't they make your boobs look bigger?" I assured her I had *no problem* with that. It's kind of symbolic of the difference between us. It wouldn't even ever occur to me to try to hide or even downplay the boobage.

A few years ago I inadvertently hurt L's feelings by saying how glad I was we had met as teenagers, because I didn't think if we met now, we'd become friends, at least not the intimate kind of friends we are now. I tried to dig myself out of that hole by explaining--and this is true--that if I met her now, I would wrongly consider her to be conservative or conventional or uptight and think that if she got to know anything about me beyond the surface level, she would disapprove. And nothing could be further from the truth. While she is on some levels conservative or conventional, she is also the single most open minded and nonjudgmental person I know. (Certainly less judgmental than me, considering that *I* would wrongly extrapolate from her turtlenecks and sensible shoes, church attendance and non-drinking, that she would be horrified by how I live my life.)

Okay, so that is a blessing of our friendship. (She said sappily.) Not just that we can and do tell each other almost everything, without fear of disapproval, but that over the years we've learned stuff from each other. And one of the things I've learned from her, one of the things I continue to learn from her, is to be careful not to ascribe attitudes to people based on my own little stereotypes.

I love you, L.

xoxo