Clicking on links, as you do, I came across a forum where one can ask for counsel about one's love life from various random strangers throughout America and, indeed, the entire English speaking world. One of the questions posed was this: "How do I make a guy want more from me than just sex?"
I admit to being absolutely fascinated about this on several levels, and since I'm doing laundry and the Sox are presently in a rain delay, you get to hear about it.
My first point of fascination is that the answer to the question as posed is so self-evident I can't see there could be any debate about it. Namely, answer, you don't. You can't. It is impossible to "make" anyone do anything or feel anything. But if we all believed that, the relationship gurus would be out of business and I would not have, upstairs on a bookshelf, a tome entitled How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You. (It was a very misguided Christmas present a few years ago. Shut up.)
So then we get a lot of people who do believe you can "make" someone have feelings for you or who just don't have much in the way of reading comprehension, chiming in with suggestions to make the guy wait, "don't give up the milk for free", and other similar pieces of charming advice. Well, stupid people, that will not make a guy want more from the young woman in question than sex, though it may cause guys who only want sex to stop calling. Which was not what she asked for, but whatever. What fascinates me about this is that people, in 2008, are still advocating withholding sex as a relationship tactic. Seriously?
Sex as a weapon. Yup, that's how healthy, functional romantic partnerships are formed. Plus, y'know, we all know wimmins don't want, need, or like sex, and it's something we do just to trap men. Sigh.
Then we have the people who suggest the young woman plan dates in public places where they do fun and interesting things, not just go back to her place and boink. Well, you know, that may indeed give her the opportunity to do some things she wants to do with the dude in question, but I fail to see how it's going to "make" him want to do stuff with her (rather than suffering through it in hopes some later boinking is in the offing.) Again, reading comprehension, reading com-pre-hen-sion.
Just one person--one!--gave basically the advice I would have: that though you cannot make anyone have any particular feelings for you, what you can do is be the kind of fascinating, fun, great-to-be-around person who attracts people who want to be with you in bed and out of bed. Have something to offer besides your genitalia. Duh.
(I would so totally write one of those relationship-advice self-help books, if only I thought my long history of failed romances would play better on the book jacket. Maybe I could just hire me a devoted husband to accompany me on the book tour!)
xoxo
1 comment:
As a highly-qualified expert on the subject of what guys want in a gal, (i.e. I have a penis) I concur 100%. The correct answer is "you can't".
Two useful points to be made from that. First, don't forget that the other kind of relationship is highly overrated and the impressions of which are grossly skewed by Hollywood idealism and other women's natural predilection to lie about how happy things are. However, if that doesn't do it for you, I'll suggest, second, that if you don't enjoy sex, you can always give up your place on the party boat to somebody else who can appreciate it, instead of trying to wish everything to become something its not. After all, it doesn't sound as if celibacy is all that unpleasant a possibility to somebody who is afraid of guys who might be into them.
Post a Comment