We have, in work, a brand new cafeteria vendor this week. And, in amongst the other changes they have made, they have seen fit to put nutritional labeling above each and every offering they sell. I was doing just fine, thankyouverymuch, not knowing that a cheese steak calzone has 1200 calories in it.
1200 calories? Are you freaking kidding me? They have to be lying. The thing is 80% bread, 5% "steak", and 15% cheese. How can that be 1200 calories? I'd believe 600, or 800. Maybe a thousand with a gun pointed to my head.
But I refuse to believe 1200.
Don't look at me like that. Denial is not a sad, sad thing. And you'll note, no exclamation marks were harmed in the writing of this blog entry, so I figure I'm ahead of the game.
xoxo
12 comments:
You're better off.
Cause those sad things they call cheese steaks around here (or, even worse steak and cheese [shudder]) are so far removed from a real cheesesteak that they're not worth even 600 calories, let alone 1200!
The real thing, which can only be found within an hour of Philadelphia--and even geographic proximity is no assurance of quality--are most definitely worth the 4 digit calorie count.
I'm living proof.
Plus at a good Philly place, they really are made from steak: paper thin rib-eye, as I recall. And Cheez Whiz, of course.
(Speaking of cheese, how do you feel about those 600 calorie low carb Cheesecake Factory cheesecake?)
What do you mean "better off"? Where in those four paragraphs do you see any indication that I *didn't* eat it? :-)
And, dude, don't get all high and mighty about cheesesteaks, 'k? The important word in that food description was neither steak nor cheese, it was *calzone*. When you can give me a legitimate lecture about how they make better calzones in Philadelphia than they do here, you're welcome to. Till then... :-PPPPP
Oh, I'd assumed that sudden onslaught of unnecessary information had turned you towards the garden salad with vinaigrette. ;)
And noone from Philadelphia would defile a perfect food like a cheesesteak by putting it inside a calzone. Nothing against calzones, I like'em. And I won't say the ones around Philly are any better than here. But anyone down there would *never* waste a good cheesesteak inside a calzone. So I was hoping you'd turned aside that mutant caloric monstrosity for proper food.
Like a pepperoni calzone. :)
I'm sorry, but any municipality that clings to the hallucinatory vestiges of their self-respect on the basis of something slathered with Cheez Whiz gets the lunchtime sandwiches they deserve. Any proper sandwich (SUB, actually) is first of all referred to as a "steak bomb", and then includes REAL cheese along with several slices of Genoa and all manner of peppers--green, red and hot, and becomes complete only when the onions and mushrooms are added. That stuff they're serving down in Philly is hardly worth the Yuengling they're serving it with. (And don't get me started about the Tastycakes).
Ah, regional food fight in my blog! I love it. :-)
I'll just point out that *I* was too polite to point out that "food containing Cheez Whiz" and "local delicacy" are two opposing concepts that can never be reconciled by any right-thinking individual.
Okay, I'll also point out that I am extremely sure that Mr Indemnity is going to take this opportunity to point out to me (and by extension, all of us) yet again how Massachusetts sub rolls are just wrong. I really don't think we should be encouraging him in that pursuit, but hey.
Oh, yeah, and I'll just point out one last thing. Mr Barma keeps ruining perfectly good food with mushrooms. Which are not as heinous as Cheez Whiz, but they're close.
Hey, Massachusetts bread is wrong on most every level. The fact that the surge in Massachusetts sub rolls seems to have coincided with the decline and bankruptcy of WonderBread should be a good indication of what air filled, insubstantial, utterly tasteless wheat product filled that WonderBread niche.
I'll also point out that it was Massachusetts born and bred (or should that be bread?) John Kerry's order of swiss cheese on his cheese steak that pretty much cost him the Presidency of the United States. Anyone who's so out of touch with the common people as to order some sort of strange foreign dairy product on their cheese steak when everyone knows the only way to order is "Wiz with" is not someone I want to have a beer with. That faux pas probably cost the Democrats for the next 20 years.
Especially when you're choosing some off-shore "natural" "food" when the perfectly good factory assembled American industrial food product would have been available in any Philadelphia cheese steak palace.
I mean, do you want your food coming out of some dirty, blotchy, grass munching, methane producing, environmentally destructive bovine, or a nice clean sterile stainless steel production plant? We're not living in the 19th Century anymore.
There's a reason that 20% of all the Cheez Wiz in the country is eaten in the Philadelphia area. It's called modern hygiene.
As for that steak "bomb" horror: the only need to destroy a cheese steak with all those add-ons is when said cheese steak sucks donkeys (or cows, as the case may be). If it's a good cheese steak it would taste great all on its own, with just some Wiz and fried onions to enhance the pleasure (they don't "sautee" nothin' down in Philly). If you're putting all that frou frou on said steak to make it edible, it's probably not even a single step removed from a Steak-Umm.
I'm digging a deep protective trench even as I mention a local establishment that serves steak bomb pasta. Not Wiz with, but alfredo sauce. No sub, served over fresh linguini.
Talk about frou frou!!
Is that local establishment local to *me*, Uncle? Because you KNOW I might need to know about it for days on which I *don't* eat a 1200 calorie lunch. :-)
And, Mr Indemnity? You crack me up. You also gave me an idea for another topic, which I shall return to very very shortly. Watch this space.
Though sadly it means I waste all my good material in your blog.
Sadly, I'm often much better at reacting then coming up with my own original theme.
But at least my paen to the safe industrial production of Cheese Whiz led to a rant on against globalization.... Which I'm sure Kraft Foods never intended in a million years.. :)
If I thought for a moment that industrialized food came out of hygienic industrial plants I might have been tempted to have been swayed by the emotional arguments against bovine-produced animal fat products... (How can anything be argued against real cheese, except that it doesn't also contain butter???)
I do agree with the bread argument as far as it goes. Any self-respecting sub commander knows that you search diligently for the right roll before committing to an establishment. (I remain convinced that Rickie Lee Jones named her song "Danny's All Star Joint" after the emporium of my youth, and its on-the-premises rolls). But, and this point can't have too fine a point put on it, the REAL sandwich isn't a steak sandwich at all, but, rather, contains Italian spiced meats (hot ham, maybe some genoa, prosciutto and/or capicola, and, somewhere amidst the rest of the toppings, pepperoncini and other hots) and toasted in the oven to melt the REAL provolone. (Not the mild kind). Lettuce shredded, pickles diced, and tomatoes too. (with the "e", thank you very much).
Only thing missing up here (and it's disappearing quickly in PA too) is the Birch Beer.
Local to you: the bar at the Landing
Thank you! The next time L drags me to Marblehead to look in rich-people consignment stores (another circle of Hell, Dante just forgot to mention it), I will make her in turn go with me to eat a 4000 calorie plate of mutant pasta, and we'll all be happy.
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