what's new, pussycat?

Can I just tell you, I went to the new TJMaxx yesterday and bought a very cute shirt, which I am wearing even as I type, and a pair of jeans that depressed me highly? Just keep your comments about why a person would buy pants that depress them to yourselves please. Anyway, the thing is/was that I didn't have a pair of tight jeans anymore, suitable for going out and so forth. All my jeans that I wear day-to-day that fit are kinda loose, which is fine for the supermarket or the mall, but not for when you want to get dressed up. All my male readers are now going, "What is this concept of dressy 'going out' jeans you speak of?" (Except perhaps Mr Indemnity, because I think in all our years of friendship and my advising him on his wardrobe, I finally indoctrinated him in this.) Just take it on faith, male persons: a girl needs going out jeans.

These jeans I ended up buying are very silly and I should probably be embarrassed to wear them in any case. They are very low waisted, which is okay since I've got no muffin top, bitches, but not so okay in that, one wrong move, and underwear exposure or butt crack. They also have bling on the back pockets. You people know I have an unnatural affinity for bling. It's almost a sickness. They were also pretty damn cheap in comparison to what I usually pay for my jeans. But what made me sad, so sad, is that while these jeans look awesome from the front and okay from the side, from the back it is apparent that my saddlebag goo is still in full force. It's very discouraging. I cannot afford to lose any more weight. I have been working hard in the gym for seven months. That the backs of my legs still look that bad makes me want to cry, because I can't see what I could possibly be doing better. I'm keeping them as inspiration pants, with the hope that someday I'll actually look sexeh in them. Like I said, I'm out of ideas on how I'm gonna accomplish that, but whatever.

Also new? I actually have been writing for real again! I dug out a story that has been unfinished for literally years and over the past week wrote 3300 new words. That's the good news. The bad news is I still don't know what happens in the end. It'll come to me!

And also new? My national certification in massage therapy, which is good for 4 years at a time, was due to be up this month. M2 and G did their recerts in January after we all took a cheap online ethics course (because of your required CEUs, six have to be ethics ::insert eyeroll here::) I got my stuff together and mailed my recert stuff in February. Basically they want a list of your CEUs, which I had all in one nice folder which I knew exactly where it was--I bet you are surprised, aren't you, bitches?, and they wanted to know how many massages you've done per year in the last four years and where. You are supposed to keep track of that. Let us just say, I have not. But after a couple of days of going through calendars, old emails, and a notebook I had when I worked for the evil massage place, I was able to make a good honest guess. You do not have to provide any proof with your application unless you are selected to be audited. Then they want logs with clients' names blacked out, plus a letter from any place you worked at, testifying to that fact.

Well, you know I immediately freaked out when I saw the random audit threat. While I could recreate logs of all the massages I have done on my own--and if I made a mistake with a date here or there, who'd know?--I could never get a letter from those evil massage bastards (who hopefully are in federal prison by now) and while I have a list of most of my clients there, I have no idea what dates they were seen. M2 assured me that she thinks the random audit threat is just a threat and that she thinks no one gets audited unless they've also filled out the section asking if you've been arrested or sued. Or if your check doesn't clear. She's far less freaked out by this kind of thing than I am. So, anyway, I asked her the last time I saw her how long it took her to get a response, because I had, at that point, probably mailed my stuff in 10 days prior. She said that it took longer than that and not to worry. Well. What did I get in my email this morning, but confirmation that they had received my packet and that, unless they need further info from me, I should get my new certificate in the mail in three to four weeks. Cross your fingers I do NOT hear anything from them till my certificate arrives. And, btw? Apparently they do not move swiftly. It's gotta be a month now since I mailed that stuff.

Okay, I am sure this was all very fascinating. Carry on.

xoxo