Thursday, February 4, 2010

blitz

D had SportsCenter on this morning. Since this is February 4th, you know what that means, don't you? No, no, no, no, not nonstop Super Bowl coverage, though there is that. What I'm referring to is the barrage of commercials suggesting to SportsCenter's presumed male fan base that they had better get their asses in gear and buy/order something for Valentines Day so that they can either a.) get laid or b.) stay out of the doghouse. I guess those are flip sides of the same coin, more or less.

Seriously. The presumption is clearly that those are the only two reasons you would ever buy a woman anything. You would never want to buy your wife or girlfriend anything just to make her happy. You would never want to give a gift out of genuine love or affection. That would be absurd! I guess the Kay commercials, as offensive as they are, are the least offensive in that regard: they at least suggest that the woman in question would love some of their cheesy diamond jewelry and thereby love you. The rest are more blatantly "buy her something to at least shut her up or at best get a blowjob."

Probably the worst one I caught in my ten minutes of viewing today was from Edible Arrangements. I'm pretty sure the Edible Arrangement itself was suggesting that it makes a good "wingman", though I may have been hallucinating talking produce since my coffee was still brewing. But I am absolutely positive the commercial was promising sex. I dunno about you, ladies, but personally a basket of carved fruit doesn't actually make a guy all that much more sexually attractive to me. (Note: Those things *are* tasty, though. We had one in work once for someone's retirement or going away party.)

I know I probably rant about this every year, but I really don't understand why this kind of stuff doesn't enrage guys. The fact that the whole advertising industry hinges on the premise that you're all idiots, and isn't even subtle about it, would enrage me if I had a penis. So I'll just bitch for you all, in sympathy. You're welcome.

In other news, I spent like 4 hours yesterday putting my Blik wallart up in my foyer. I was going to post pictures, but the batteries in my camera were *this* close to dying, and I couldn't get a good shot of the whole thing from any angle anyway. I'd probably give someone a blowjob for a new digital camera! (Oh, stop, you know I really wouldn't. That's a joke. I don't trade sex for carved fruit *or* consumer electronics. Geez.) I was a little concerned last night that it was too "busy" but seeing it fresh this morning, I think I like it. I'm concerned I need to maybe edit some of the other stuff in the foyer now, though, so it won't be too busy. The decorating decisions never end.

That's all I got for now!

xoxo

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

The fact that the whole advertising industry hinges on the premise that you're all idiots, and isn't even subtle about it, would enrage me if I had a penis.

I don't think I watch the right shows to get the offensive Valentine's Day advertising (though the fact that I heard Rush advertising mail order overnight pajamas--not lingerie, pajamas--says something about how often his audience gets laid) but I have seen far, far too much beer advertising, that hinges on the premise that all males are idiots. Or if not, they aspire to be idiots.

It does enrage me. I'm actually seriously offended by those ads (and I don't get offended by all that much).

However, luckily for me the beer that's advertised thusly is undrinkable tasteless yellow water that it I would be avoiding even if it weren't for their remarkably offensive commercials. So I never have to make a difficult choice between satisfying my need for beer and being treated like I've evolved past Neanderthal.

However, Bud Lite is both the best selling beer in the US and in New England. So apparently those ads are actually accurate and effective depictions of the IQ of their audience. Sad but true.

malevolent andrea said...

Oh, yeah, these commercials are like beer commercials squared. I don't think young men are buying crappy beer b/c of the advertising however.

I think they're buying it b/c it's cheap and it'll get you drunk if you drink enough of it and they don't know any better. I spent 25 years thinking I didn't *like* beer because I thought beer was Miller or Coors. It wasn't until I was over forty and tried real beer on a whim that I realized, oh yeah, this stuff can be yummy.

Maybe the advertising works in that if you see enough of it when you're 14 and *do* think the behavior of those people in the commercials is cool to emulate, Bud Lite is stuck in your subconscious by the time you actually get to college. I dunno. Maybe I have too much faith in humanity, but I'm pretty sure the vast majority of guys past legal drinking age *don't* really aspire to be idiot douchebags.

Okay, maybe I have too much faith in humanity.

Craig H said...

Funny, these days, all I'm thinking about commercials is "at least these are better than having to endure the Coakley Brown nonsense".

Divorce helps clear the male thinking on the VD ads, or at least it has for me, and I'm dumbfounded at how meek the male population continues to be about it. I guess I can give myself credit for being ahead of the curve in becoming disaffected by the whole premise.

As for beer advertising and IQ, I happen to LIKE thinking with my penis while drinking these days, so I don't mind it so much that brewers are tapped into that. (Pun intended). It's refreshing that the beer ad guys don't mind it when their babes get all out of joint about it, and it's easy to identify with them.

As for giving away blowjobs in exchange for digital cameras, it's only disappointing to think that the blowjobs wouldn't be free. (Or is that what you were implying, Andrea?)

:-)

Uncle said...

Since I have no dog in the Superbowl fight, I can freely boycott all the commercials. Part of the connection died with the death of cigarette ads. Then you had idiots drinking piss-water beer and killing themselves at the same time.

The key here...indeed to most American advertising...is that it is not only geared to young males with subnormal IQs and testosterone poisoning, it is created by young males ditto ditto. They confuse, as was once said, facility of composition with the existence of thought, and think they're pretty bright.

Sports advertising in general and Superbowl ads in particular prove that it is possible to lower the least common denominator.

That's too many words to say it outrages me too.

malevolent andrea said...

Mr Barma! What part of "I don't trade sex for carved fruit *or* consumer electronics" is unclear? Sex with me happens from love, affection, and the fact I have a, um, fairly high sex drive. Of course blowjobs are free.

And don't go pretending in my blog comments that you're an idiot douchebag like the beer commercial guys, because if you *were*, there wouldn't be any--oh, never mind.

:-)

malevolent andrea said...

The only thing that I can think of that television advertising has influenced me to buy any time recently are my bumpits. That I have never worn out of the house. hahaha ohe other hand, television advertising has negatively influenced me against many products.

The print media is a whole nother story, however. Sigh. Put it in a lovely glossy catalog and deliver it to my mailbox and you've got half a chance.

Oh! And I just booked the 1-800-gotjunk guys, so all the free advertising they get from Hoarders is paying off for them, I'll wager. :-)