So, I watched the third Bourne movie last night, the name of which I don't remember and can't be bothered to look up. You know the one I'm talking about. I'd watched the previous two, not that I actually remembered them all that much. Or at all. I just know they were pretty good for what they are, and I like a good action movie now and again. (Plus, I have a soft spot for Matt Damon, because "sexiest man alive" be damned, he could be my Fed Ex guy. I mean, my Fed Ex guy with a more expensive haircut and better dental work, but you know. He looks like a regular person.)
But anyway, I figured I might as well rent the third installment. And I was enjoying it. But you know how in that kind of movie, it goes one of two ways? Either it's like a live-action comic book and they make absolutely no stab at anything resembling realism, and that's fine. You know that within 5 minutes and you just roll with it. Or, they do try to make it at least semi-plausible and they, and you, have to work at the suspension of your disbelief, which is also fine. Except there's almost always one thing that bothers you enough that your suspension cracks. They never, ever seem to completely pull it off.
My moment last night came when Bourne's female accomplice, who has helped him escape from Spain to Morocco, and now must disguise herself as the evil government agency killers will be gunning for her too, is in the bathroom of a random house in Tangier--which they're in simply because the door was unlocked and no one was around--and conveniently, miraculously, there's a supply of black hair dye for her to use. But no, that's not the best part. The best part is that she supposedly cuts her own hair in the bathroom mirror whatever scissors are lying around, into a style much like my last two haircuts. And it looks way better than mine. Without having to tip any cunty hairdressers.
I ain't buying that.
xoxo
7 comments:
Well, I'll admit being neither female nor gay I didn't think too much of the haircut... though I was rather disbelieving of the fortuitous hair dye.
My disbelief became unsuspended when the CIA (or whoever it was) was able to place a single phone call and suddenly have all that money released that was frozen at that Tangiers bank. If anyone's ever traveled in the Middle East/North Africa they'd know 1) the CIA (and most anyone else) has zero control over what a bank does there, and they're sure not releasing nothin' based solely on an unverified phone call, and 2) even if they are releasing it, they're going to take forever filling out forms and going to different offices and drinking tea and whatever, no way they're calling up the financially frozen dude 30 seconds after they get the release call.
B) How the hell does Matt Damon know his way perfectly around the back alleys of a place like Tangiers... those old walled Mediterranean cities are such spaghetti inside you can barely find your way if you've lived there all your lives, and with all the close streets, multiple levels, and roofs, I don't think even a GPS would help much, and Matt didn't have one of those on him.
C) Do you really think the CIA would be conducting top secret meetings in an outer glass walled office looking over a Manhattan street, where anyone can track who's who with a pair of binoculars (and listen in with one of those devices that can read sound waves off of vibrating glass).
Which is too bad, cause the rest of it was really kind of a fun movie, but I wish they'd somehow found better ways to write around those plot conveniences... they really gnawed at me even as I was trying to enjoy the fun rollercoaster.
A) I kinda blew that one off b/c I figured it was supposed to show us how eeeevil and powerful the bad guys were, that they had ins with every government in the world or something.
B) That didn't bother me b/c IIRC he wasn't shown actually trying to get anywhere, just being randomly chased. Correct me if I'm wrong. (Finer points can go over my head when I'm watching in bed.)
C) Yeah, that's a problem. A continuing problem.
I saw the movie in the theater, which means its been awhile--with my sieve-like memory I probably mis-remember some bits. But for
B) Before they're chasing Matt, doesn't he know exactly which back alley shortcuts to follow to intercept the guy on the way to the bank, even though he hasn't been to Tangiers before? That's the part that really bothered me, as opposed to the longer chase itself, which still seemed to assume a little too much inner-Tangiers knowledge but I could have lived with were it not for
A) just jolting me out of my disbelief suspension. I think it started with the problem of the CIA not having the power to freeze the funds in the first place, followed by their even more unbelievable power to instantly release the funds. From that point on I was picking nits that I might not have even noticed in a James Bond movie. Something about that bank control really bothered me, which just goes to show you should think about such things when writing the script and somehow add a sentence or two of dialogue to make it work. Turns out the CIA has a whole international banking network they own just for emergencies like this, or controls the whole international money transfer wire service, that sort of thing.
Also, I'll add D) would the super-secret super-human super-spy research/training center be right in an incredibly visible location in the middle of Manhattan, where any counter-spy can monitor all the comings and goings just by setting up a hot dog cart across from the main entrance? Plus, what's the rent on a building like that... ? the CIA has *some* limits to their budget.
Yeah, I know D) was just to move the plot along and have another big chase, but after C) it was a bit silly, too.
But really, I only noticed B) because A) stuck in my craw... however, C) and D) really were awfully egregiously attacking my suspension of disbelief!
Oh! And the other thing...when he's talking to the other guy on the phone and the guy says he's in his office. Bourne: "No, you're not. If you were, I'd be looking right at you."
Why? Why would you tell someone who's after you where you are, nyah nyah factor aside? Makes no sense at all. But since that was near the end, at that point it was all moot.
Now that you mention it, that's another one that obviously made no sense.
I'd be willing to bet you anything that The Bourne Ultimatum (thanks IMDB!) had a set start date for when all the principals were available, and it was going to start shooting whether or not the many writers had a chance to work around/justify some of the many unbelievable plot contrivances... probably a lot of those big set-piece location chases and the like had already been decided on in advance and they were damn well going to appear in the movie no matter what it took to write Matt Damon's character from one chase to the next.
Compare it to something like The Illusionist which is just as much of a fantasy but where all the many many plot convolutions all seemed to work and justify each other, so far as I could tell. Well aside from one glaringly unbelievable one that I sure wish they'd somehow found another way to pull off!
Shoe polish, people, and didn't you know that every brainwashed super-spy has to memorize the back streets of every photogenic third-world city before he gets his secret decoder ring and safe deposit box full of passports, cash and small arms?
What I want to know is how the local cops all over the world all seem to know to hit the donut (or falafel) shop at the exact same time the big chases all start.
A contrast with The Bourne Supremacy is the film I just saw, The Bank Job.
Really good movie, real characterizations (as opposed to the Bourne cartoons), real suspense (admittedly there was plenty of that in Bourne) and really intricate motivations, plot, and even a national spy agency, in a script that--as far as I could tell--completely hung together believably, logically, and on its own terms.
It really is possible to write a film like that without leaving gaping plot holes all over the screen... but nowadays mostly that's some smaller independent film, not one of those giant dependent pre-packaged pre-sold spectacles that are more about commerce and marketing than good filmmaking.
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