A few weeks ago when she was loaning me the hot stone video and also returning one of my DVDs she had, M2 also loaned me Monsoon Wedding. I've watched it a couple times and really enjoyed it. It's sort of a romantic comedy, but more tilted to the serious side. Cute chick flick. It's also interesting because it takes place in Delhi, so there are all the cultural pieces and the different wedding customs, plus the wedding in question is a semi-arranged marriage, so there's the "how could anyone DO that?" for us Americans. (It provides quite a relatable explanation for that. The bride is a modern young woman who's been having an affair with a married TV host and she both sees the writing on the wall that a.) he's never getting a divorce and b.) she's going to keep going back to him, and she's ready to settle down, so she sees this marriage as a way to make a clean break and a fresh start in a new life.) But this, my friends, is not the movie I am here to review. It's just backstory to explain why I looked up the director of this film I quite enjoyed and thus netflixed Kama Sutra.
One would think that what is basically a fairy tale about pretty people in beautiful clothes having sex in exotic historical settings would have to be at least watchable, but one would be sadly mistaken. Putting aside the horribly stilted dialogue which is an offense to me as a writer, we have the problem that, of the four main characters, there isn't one that I don't fucking hate.
We have the two young women, Tara (the princess) and Maya (her servant), who are supposedly raised as best friends together, but who apparently seethe with jealousy about each other. Maya is jealous of Tara for, y'know, being a princess and having nice things whilst she gets hand-me-downs, while Tara is jealous of Maya for being more beautiful and talented. (Sidebar: both these girls are pretty, but in my opinion equally so, and neither is the stunningly unbelievable beauty Maya is portrayed as being. Maybe this would all be more believable if they cast an actual unattractive girl as Tara.) Tara publicly spits in Maya's face when she catches her prince/king husband-to-be checking her out, so Maya gets revenge by seducing him the night before the wedding. ARE WE LIKING EITHER ONE OF THESE CHICKS YET? Ahem.
Then we have the prince/king himself. I think he's supposed to be the villain so the fact that I hate him? Uh, good job? He's also portrayed by a young Naveen Andrews (Sayid from Lost) so at least he does bring the pretty when he's nekkid and fucking these girls in various Kama Sutra-like positions. So there is that.
Which brings us to the court sculptor that Maya has an affair with. He is nothing so much as a 16th century hipster douchebag. First he seduces her with "brilliant" philosophical insights like, "I used to worship in temples till I realized the rocks, the trees, the hills are all sacred." Then he dumps her because she's harshing his art and creativity, man, and he's got to be freeeeeee. At least he's in a loincloth, not skinny jeans.
Oh, and a fifth lesser character? His friend, the retired courtesan who runs a courtesan school and takes Maya in? She is full of brilliant insights too, teaching her pupils gems like "men like when you pretend to love them" and "men despise that which they can get too easily." (Whoa. Is that my problem? Dude.) But I don't hate her so much as the writers that put those gems in her script, so my urge to slap her every time she comes on scene isn't quite as strong.
I made it about halfway through this film before falling asleep, but to my shame, I didn't mail it back to netflix this morning. So I'll probably masochistically finish it. Just to see how much worse it can get. Oy.
This has been a public service announcement.
xoxo
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