Wednesday, December 15, 2010

breaking news, with bonus questions

At least in the right light and at the right angle, and despite my documented loose skin issues, I have a visible 4 pack now. This will, I'm sure, cheer me up from the demonstrated proof that I fit right in with the clientele of WalMart. (Oh, just read the comments and all will become clear. Also? Try to keep up.)

Now, onto questions. First of all, I have a bunch of those "print out on your own printer" gift certificates to give people for Xmas. I think they are pretty tacky, but some places that you purchase gift certificates from do NOT really give you another option. Does anyone have any ingenious ideas about ways to present these that are festive? (Word of the week: festive.) Not that, for example, my son or my nephew really care, but I CARE, bitches. So hit me up with arts n crafts ideas.

Should I leave the house to do something useful today, like buy something to cook for dinner and go to the gym, or should I use the facts that it's 18 degrees out, my sinuses are killing me, I don't really need to be anywhere for once, and the laptop is now hooked up to my bedroom TV as signs that I should basically stay on this bed beneath my furry blanket all day? Think carefully before you answer.

Why would anyone choose to have their windows replaced *in December*? Okay, that's a rhetorical question, I guess, but some of my neighbors don't appear to be, y'know, overly bright.

I think I'm going to have some money left in my flexible spending account. Should I get prescription sunglasses? Those would be covered, right? I wish massages were covered, man. Fuck the gov'ment!

Four pack, baby.

xoxo


6 comments:

crispix67 said...

Hmmm...blank do it yourself cards-Im sure a craft store like Michaels-or even the evil Wal Mart might-would have them and glitter pens. Make some festive cards to hold them. Or, buy some already made cards :-)

crispix67 said...

ooo...*or* if youre feeling even more crafty, get some felt-red,green and white, some glitter and make little stockings to hold them.

OK, Im done...for now.

crispix67 said...

One last comment. Sorry. Have you ever tried a neti pot? I had a bad cold/sinus thingy going on a couple weeks ago, got one, and I can really tell a difference, I can breathe! :-) And, yes, you should spend the day in bed under the furry blanket.

OK, now Im done.

Uncle said...

Don't see why prescription sunglasses wouldn't be covered: go for it!

As for sinuses, with all respect to the neti pot, me sainted (?) Irish grandmither swore by the leprechaun pot. Take the juice of a quart of whiskey, opened somewhere near a lemon slice, heat, inhale, and sip.

Hot peppermint schnapps is good too: just don't drink it.

Uncle said...

Oh the neighbours? Obviously suckers for radio advertising, which has been full of ads saying "Christmas is a GREAT time to fuck up your house with home improvements."

malevolent andrea said...

Thanks for the arts n crafts suggests, Ms Crispix, and thank you guys for the neti pot and whiskey recommendations. Unfortunately I had neither of those things in my house (though Xmas is coming and I've been a good girl all year). I will continue the tale of my sinuses in the next post.