Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said, totally spontaneously and unexpectedly, "I really admire x about you." I was like, wow, thank you, that's so nice of you to say, wow. And she said, "I always think it, but I guess I don't say it. Maybe I'm just feeling sentimental tonight."
And I've been thinking ever since about how often I think nice, positive things about other people that I don't express to them. Just look at the people I work with. I may tell you people what a sweet, kind girl our lil MILF is, but do I come out and say that to her in a serious way? Do I tell Townie Girl that I totally respect the fact that, despite dealing with a painful and debilitating chronic disease for the past 2/3rds of her life, she gets up and comes to work four days a week rather than go on disability, which she certainly could? Have I expressed to my boss often enough that not only is he a fine physician, he's an absolutely stellar human being? Why not? Why do I (we) hesitate to compliment people on things which aren't completely superficial? Why do we hold back from saying what we think? Are we afraid it will make them uncomfortable? Will it make us uncomfortable? Why?
I think that's my next challenge, to myself, and to you all. If you're thinking something nice about someone, look at them and say it. Maybe you'll be embarrassed. Maybe they'll be embarrassed. But in the long run, I think it'll be good. For all of us.
Yeah, yeah, namaste, bitches.
xoxo
2 comments:
Ive been doing this for the past year or so. And have been pleasantly surporised that once I tell people whatever Im thinking about them...we get closer. I try not to hold back still do-old patterns- but it feels more "me" to just say it. :-) I dont want to hold back any longer...it serves no purpose. And, I have also discovered that, just as I do...these people sometimes need to hear good things about themselves, even if they are a yoga studio owner and have been teaching for 9 years, they still have bad days, or days when theyre down and a simple "You rock" or "thank you for all you do for your students" can turn things around for them. :-)
This strikes a note; indeed a whole chord. Even at my advanced age, I'm still trying to overcome one old world lesson of childhood that stuck: "children should be seen and not heard." The expression was reinforced, sometimes physically, any time we ventured to register any sort of recognition of adults. Very useful for one's parents, I guess. But eventually we grow into socially challenged adults if no one thinks to put it in reverse at some point.
It will be a nicer world when we say at least the good thoughts we have of others. I find there are still a lot of people in the world who suck moose wang, and it wouldn't be so helpful to say so.
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