I guess that's what they call it these days.
On the cable news this morning, the very same cable news that alerted me to Tree in Lung Guy, there was a piece about that law they are trying to pass in Vermont, such that teenage girls who "sext" risque photos of themselves to their swains are no longer branded as sex offenders disseminating child pornography, and neither are the swains for possessing it. On the pro side was some legislator from Vt; on the con was...I dunno, some conservative chick. She was frothing at the mouth (politely) about how sexting was irresponsible and inappropriate behavior. Really, lady? Teenagers doing irresponsible and inappropriate things? You don't say.
Anyway, this led to a segue on some 18 year old young woman who recently committed suicide when pictures of herself that she'd sent to a boyfriend were leaked around her school. First of all, I don't necessarily see how this followed. Perhaps being labelled a sex offender would have made her *less* likely to kill herself? Really? Secondly, she had to have had a preexisting psychiatric condition; people who aren't already depressed don't kill themselves over a high school scandal. But be that as it may, I started getting really depressed about this myself, thinking about it.
In what kind of society do we (still) live, where a girl whose nude or semi-nude pictures, sent in trust to someone she is in a relationship with, reflect badly *on her* when *he* shows them around? Where is the recognition amongst their peers that *he* is the douchebag cunt for making public what was meant for him alone? Where is the recognition that if someone you are intimate with entrusts something private to you, you keep it private, or you are the lowest of the low and *you* should be shamed? Where is the recognition that it's never okay to do that, even if someone breaks up with you, cheats on you, or kills your fucking puppy? Do parents not teach their children that these days? Do the parents even know it? What kind of culture are we living in that slut-shaming is apparently still okay, but no one calls out a douche and makes them ashamed of their douchiness?
And, really, there's a stigma for young women's sexuality? Have we gone fucking backwards on this? I remember (OMG she's gonna tell another anecdote nooooooo) one day when I was a junior in high school, I was sitting in the bleachers in gym class (because if you really think teenaged Andrea participated in those stoopid games they made us play in gym without being forced, obviously you haven't been paying attention) writing a letter (the 1978 version of texting, yo) to my boyfriend/FEH, in which I detailed how incredibly tedious and boring the whole day had been up to that point and how I wished I were in bed with him instead. Well, there was this socially-clueless girl sitting behind/above me, not a friend, but someone I did chat with in the bleachers now and again, and apparently she was reading over my shoulder. She leaned over and said, not in a bitch way but a worried way, that I shouldn't write that kind of thing in school, because someone might find it and talk about me. Well, I gave her the "bitch, please" face and said, "I'm writing it to my boyfriend who I've been going out with for x months and who I love. Why would I be worried about people knowing I'm having sex with him?" She apologized.
I would like to think a high school girl these days, if faced with slut-shaming for sexting, would feel the same way: "I sent it to someone I loved/liked/trusted and it was for him alone. Why should *I* be embarrassed? Oh, yeah, and fuck you." Are we raising girls to be more full of shame, less secure in themselves, more accepting of douchebag behavior in guys than we were in fucking 1978? Jesus wept. Is it just me?
xoxo
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Are we raising girls to be more full of shame, less secure in themselves, more accepting of douchebag behavior in guys than we were in fucking 1978?Ummm... yes, pretty much.
Maybe you haven't gotten more conservative and infantile since 1978, but the culture of our country sure has--especially when it comes to sexuality and teenage girls (and those who act like them).
From the review I read, that's what the new book The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women is all about.
"Valenti reveals that powerful messaging on both extremes — ranging from abstinence curriculum to “Girls Gone Wild” infomercials — place a young woman’s worth entirely on her sexuality. Morals are therefore linked purely to sexual behavior, rather than values like honesty, kindness, and altruism. Valenti sheds light on the value — and hypocrisy — around the notion that girls remain virgin until they’re married by putting into context the historical question of purity, modern abstinence-only education, pornography, and public punishments for those who dare to have sex."
Want some evidence that she's right? Just published April 1, this was one of the 58,000 books Amazon de-listed as being "too adult" for sensitive eyes this past weekend.
I went to amazon (hahaha) to look up that book, and oh, it's fascinating--the reviews are all 5 star (people who have actually read the book) or 1 star (people religiously opposed to the book, but who haven't read it.) One of the one star reviews claims that the book (and feminists) are promoting promiscuity. Doesn't that just prove the whole point? There's this weird false dichotomy that you're either a virgin or an indiscriminate slut who'll fuck anyone anytime anywhere. (Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with being either a virgin or an indiscriminate slut, but the majority of young women fall somewhere in between, KWIM?)
What is wrong with teaching young women that it's okay to have sex *only when you really want to* with people *you like* who *aren't douchebags* as long as you *take the proper precautions*? I'm gonna teach my future step-grandchildren that if I live long enough.
One has to consider that the little engine of all of this is a broadcast media which differs from social conservatives chiefly in being even more hypocritical. Example: Fox produces the most biased and conservative news programming on air, and also the most over-the-top, sexually edgy "entertainment" programming.
And they call the children fucked up.
Well, in the Fox world, it's okay to have sex. If you're a man. And can look down upon those skanky women you're having it with.
Sigh.
What is wrong with teaching young women that it's okay to have sex *only when you really want to* with people *you like* who *aren't douchebags* as long as you *take the proper precautions*?What's wrong with that is that it involves actually telling young women "it's okay to have sex", and ever since the Reagan years, the only socially acceptable answer for sexuality is just say no...
It's a zero tolerance policy for anything except abstinence, which has been enshrined in federal funding and the pornographication of American popular culture. Now I'm as much in favor of porn as the next guy, but the power of the religious right to get the media spotlight and create (overblown) popular pressure means that every other visual media that isn't X-rated has backed away from realistic depictions of sexuality, which were much more prominent here in, say, 1978. Now it's either girls gone wild drunk frat boy objectification yukfests, or it's porn, or it's putting virginity on a pedestal. Real life sexuality has been pretty much wiped out of the American mass media.
And I think that, in a lot of ways, is what creates the "weird false dichotomy that you're either a virgin or an indiscriminate slut who'll fuck anyone anytime anywhere". If you're young and growing up in that sort of popular culture, and you're as horny as any normal adolescent... well, what are the models you have available to you for your own attitudes, if not your own behavior?
Many people grow out of it as they get older and experience more of actual life--but given all the prosecutions for sexting around the country, apparently not all those old enough to be adults with authority have, as of yet, gotten a grip. Or they know what will grip headlines and TV news leads for the many still in the throes of adolescent levels of sexual titillation. <-he said *tit*illation, heh, heh
Bet you'd like to read this discussion of the book on TPM's Cafe which is where I first heard of it.
Man, I should have read this post *before* I read the pornification post. My wee comment is that I am all for publicly shaming douchebags, and would support any good ideas for putting in place a system to do this. And on this note, I wanted to make sure everyone was aware of
(1) http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/
(Okay, you don't have to totally agree with it, but it does have the disdain for the douchebags up front and center.)
(2) Watch VH1's show "Tool Academy". It's fucking awesome.
What is the premise of Tool Academy? And why don't I know about it?!?
Girls lure their douchebag boyfriends onto a reality show under the premise that it's a Mr. Awesome contest, to which they gladly consent. When they show up, they're told they're all Tools, and are put through psychotherapy, relationship- and trust-building exercises, etc., to try to reform them. In the end, it actually *is* a Mr. Awesome contest.
These guys, all of them, are awful.
Okay, I'm gonna have to watch this and report back.
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