perspective

It's been brought to my attention that some people find the question "Why is someone as good-looking/cool/wonderful/(insert-positive-attribute-of-your-choice) as you single?" insulting and offensive, because they think the implication is what's wrong with you? Oh. Having been on the receiving end of this a time or two or a hundred, I never looked at it that way. I always took it as a compliment. A hilarious one, but a compliment nevertheless. I always took the implication to be what's wrong with those people who haven't snapped you up? I think I prefer to go through the rest of my life pretending I never heard the other interpretation and that there's no chance I'm being insulted. Why look for reasons to feel like shit, yo?

Actually, my first experience with this is one of my favorite stories evah. (Yeah, it's another anecdote. Suck it up and take it.) I think I've told you all that the year my kid was in kindergarten was a hard one. It was the year my grandmother was dying, so my mom was totally taken up with caring for her and my dad with taking care of everything else my mom usually took care of and since I couldn't count on my kid's father reliably for anything, I was totally the singlest of single parents that year, taking care of every last thing myself and frequently running into the kindergarten/daycare from work at the last possible minute before closing to get D. Now, the older woman who owned/directed the kindergarten really liked D and really liked me (despite my near-tardiness). One day I came to get him and she sort of took me aside and asked, "Have you heard so-n-so's mother is getting remarried?" No, I had not. She looked at me very kindly and seriously. "I don't know why you don't do that, Andrea. You're so much nicer and prettier and smarter than she is. And then you wouldn't have to work so hard." Ever nearly choked trying really hard not to break out into hysterical laughter so as not to offend someone? That was me. I think I managed to murmur something about not remembering working any less hard when I was married before making my getaway, but it was close.

The other really funny example of this happened much more recently. One of my boss's patients, who is in his early 20s and who is...I'm not exactly sure, but perhaps Aspergers, just slightly "off" anyways, came in, and I happened to be in the reception area. He saw me and said hi and we chatted for a moment in the "oh, how are you, haven't seen you for a long time, blah blah" kind of way. Then he went in for his appointment. I ended up having to go in and interrupt them to get my boss to sign a prescription or order or something for someone who was waiting, and the kid was watching me as I handed it over. He says suddenly (because, yeah, a little off and lacking in, y'know, filters), "I just don't understand why a woman as beautiful as you isn't wearing a ring!" Well, my boss couldn't hold it together. He's cracking up and saying, "oh, she left it at home," and I'm all like, yeah, just sign that, and turning, I'm sure, many shades of red, and the kid's mother looks like she wants to drop through the floor, though I can't imagine she's not used to the inappropriate public commenting.

In summary, why the fuck do you want to go through life getting offended by stuff like that when you can accept it as a very awkward and completely hysterical compliment instead? People need to work on that!

xoxo