Actually, two.
First one, consumer-style. A week or two ago I was out with a friend and we were by CVS and I was like, can we pop in for a second, I just need a couple things. Well, one of the things I needed was the stuff I wash my face and take my makeup off with. Because I was imposing on someone else's good nature, I grabbed my stuff really quickly. Come to find out, the stuff I bought is not my usual product, but a similar one in almost identical packaging, and it a.) is too runny and b.) stings my eyes when I take off my mascara. Why would you market something as facial cleanser/makeup remover if you cannot use it to take off mascara without burning your eyes and why would you put two of your products in packaging that looks exactly alike unless you very carefully read the label (unless your fiendish plan is to make consumers grab the wrong one by mistake and have to return to buy the other product, thus making two sales instead of one)? Yes, yes, I know, read the fucking label, Andrea, but I was just trying to be polite and considerate. God.
Second one, nature-style. Ants! Every spring/summer you hear me bitch about my war with the fucking ants that get in by my kitchen window (off the deck) and upstairs from the door to the upper deck. Well, that time is here again. Yesterday I went into the kitchen to make tea for me and L and there were like eight ants frolicking in my sink. I took great satisfaction in powerwashing them down the drain with the sink sprayer while yelling, "Die, motherfuckers, DIE!" but seriously, I've got to get out the ant spray, which I am loathe to do because of Evil Kitty. Because this *is* war.
xoxo
P.S. Do you know that Blogger spellcheck, which balks at "hoodie", knows that motherfuckers is a word? Huh. How about that.
5 comments:
Little itty bitty sugar ants, or the MF'ing carpenter variety?
The littler gals are all about the food supply, so you should first tell dad not to leave his Dunkin' Donut crumbs on the counter. ;-) Because they follow each other's formic acid (invisible) trails to find where the scouts found the goodies, scrubbing the track and disposing of all the bodies (being careful so as not to smush them and leave big smears of formic acid where the corpses were) always helps. Of course, if it's war you're on about, then just spill a little Coca Cola somewhere and keep smashing 'em as they troop in for the eats.
The carpenter variety, on the other hand, takes a little bit of work to figure out where they're making the jump from the ground to the house each Spring. If you smart bomb the spot(s) where they're getting to the woody parts of the house from the ground, they can often be convinced to go elsewhere in search of munchies. If they're in the frame of the house, however, then it's worth calling someone to give 'em a blast. They've got some new stuff that goes inert after the first day, so as not to harm the kitties.
No, the big, gross ones. Usually every year if I spray around that kitchen window sill inside and out that solves the problem, at least for a month or two, but since EK sits on the deck railing there, pressing her face up against the window when she wants to come in, I always feel reluctant to do it. At least until my wrath towards those motherfucking ants gets to insane levels. Which is stupid for one thing, because 60% of my neighbors, who think against all evidence that they live in the suburbs, put chemicals on their lawns, so poor Evil Kitty is exposed to that anyway.
But also, last year, and I think again this year (because I saw one all the way in my upstairs bathroom this morning), they're coming in through the gap between the porch door and the threshhold, so I'll have to spray there. And, yes, probably fix that gap, huh? (My contractor/prince better come soon. And I hope he likes wimmin that whine. Sigh.)
First make sure the carpenters aren't nesting *inside* the walls for the winter. They eat wood frame houses the same way termites eat wood frame houses, and that would be the proverbial very bad. (Have a professional deal with that). Next scope out where they're coming up from the ground outside. You can deter them from making their way towards your cracks and crevices by laying the bug stuff up the first 18 inches or so of your wall/foundation. Usually, where the wood is closest to the ground is their first choice for an assault.
Then, like pirates, once they're at your shipping (kitchen, bathroom, etc.) they're extremely hard to manage. However, also like pirates, since they have to launch their attacks from somewhere, and they have to live there too, if you can take the fight to where they're coming from, then you'll have the upper hand for a change. (Think of the cracks as so much Indian Ocean, but the area near the foundation of your house as the coastline).
Seriously, the exterminators have pretty eco-friendly stuff for ants these days, so if you have to go nuclear, EK won't mind.
So now the fucking ants in my sink are eating my fucking house. Something else to completely fucking freak out about. Um, thanks! I think.
I think it was Churchill who said something like "We will fight them on the beaches..." I can only imagine his rhetoric if he had ants.
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