1.) Who are Mr Barma, Mr Indemnity, and Uncle?
They are Andrea's friends who, in addition to having many other fine qualities, hold a special place in her heart because they blog-comment. Unlike all her other slacker friends/readers.
2.) So, do you like blog comments, Andrea?
Andrea likes blog commentary *so much* that, were it feasible, she would pay a nickel per comment to the writer. And a dime to the Portuguese spammers, because they're double the entertainment value.
3.) Who is D?
D is Andrea's son. He has schizoaffective disorder. Probably. That's the most current diagnosis. There've been a few.
4.) Who is L?
L is Andrea's best friend, whom she has known since 9th grade.
4a.) Who is S?
S is L's boyfriend. He may or may not have had Lyme disease recently.
5.) So, who is the other S?
The other S is Andrea's and M2's friend and partner in bodywork adventures and misadventures.
6.) Who are M1 and M2?
They are two of Andrea's friends who share the same name. M2 went to massage school with Andrea and lives in Cambridge. M1 worked with Andrea for many years and lives in New Hampshire.
7.) What/where is Shangri-Lowell?
Shangri-Lowell is, alternately, either Mr Barma's condo or the environs thereof. In either case, Shangri-Lowell is The Happiest Place on Earth. (Those Disney bastards are liars.)
8.) Why do you swear so much anyway, Andrea?
Well, see, you can take the girl out of the 'hood, but you can't take the 'hood out of the girl. Plus, let's be serious, it's a conscious literary device. Plus, Andrea's (charmingly) cranky. Especially at certain times. She's also Easily Irritated.
9.) Who is The Lawyer?
The Lawyer is a gentleman whom Andrea dated very briefly while she was in massage school a couple years ago, the thought of whom nevertheless induces such loathing that she is unable to refer to him without adding "::spit::".
10.) What do we know about Andrea's ex-husband?
He's D's father and Andrea's high school sweetheart, and he's active in local politics. He likes to see his picture in the paper.
11.) What do we know about Andrea's other long-term ex?
Nothing. You know nothing. He is occasionally referred to as her "ex-whatever-he-was" but he does not figure in the Adventures.
12.) "Julie, Julie, Julie"? WTF?
That would be one Mr Julio Lugo, inept and overpaid Boston Red Sox ss, who can't hit and certainly can't field. We here at the Adventures wish he would be traded. Until that happy day, we satisfy ourselves with calling him Julie. We suggest you do the same.
13.) What is Kelly's, and why should I go there?
That would be the famous Kelly's Roast Beef. Now there are several branches in places like Danvers and Medford/Everett that have such amenities as roofs and tables, but for the true Kelly's experience, Andrea recommends the original at Revere Beach where you eat in your car or across the street on the sea wall. The reason you should go there is to eat onion rings. Part of Andrea's funeral is going to involve this ritual.
14.) So, what else should I do in Revere when I'm done with my onion rings?
Well, there are a couple of very well-known strip clubs.
15.) What celebrity would Andrea most like to wake up next to, naked in bed?
That would be Anthony Kiedis.
16.) Who are Andrea's future step-grandchildren?
Since Andrea most likely will never have biological grandchildren (see question 3) but loves babies and little kids so, so much, she has cooked up a scheme to, some time in the next 15 years, marry some poor sucker not for his money, but for the procreative potential of his grown children.
17.) What is this "prison bus" of which you speak?
The prison bus is one of the two bus routes that run between Andrea's house and her place of employment. It is ridden, at certain times of the day, by a disproportionate number of parolees and court attendees, and is famous for overheard conversations about a.) what local jails have the best amenities b.) how long it takes to get all the blood cleaned from your cell walls if you jump on someone from the top bunk and c.) how selling your prescription drugs is the best way to afford a way better apartment, yo. There has also been some mysterious discussion of swabbing.
18.) And, most importantly! Who the hell is Possibly Irish Danny?
Possibly Irish Danny is an occasional prison bus patron and possessor of the world's ugliest shamrock/skull neck tattoo who first came to all of our attention having a cell phone conversation in which he discussed running into (the fabulously nicknamed) "Spanish Danny". This led, over time, to Andrea and her blog commenters giving him his alias and developing a whole fictional and/or theoretical life for him, based solely on the clues revealed in his many overheard cell phone discussions. If there is a mascot to the Adventures, Possibly Irish Danny would be he.
(Did I miss any?)
xoxo
5 comments:
Not people. However, for the benefit of those unfortunate enough not to know the area, you might discuss geographical details like Kelly's and various beaches. Or not: might start a land rush.
Julie Lugo?
And ammended.
oh i can't even imagine how much the misspelled double m has been driving you crazy :-)))
It's all good. I had postal rage to distract me.
Besides, shh! No one's reading this far down into comments, but that doesn't mean you need to be calling attention to my horrible errors. :-PPPP
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