Or, yeah, sure, public humiliation!
We'll start with the non-embarrassing one first.
1.) If I had an extra $5000 lying around, I could buy myself a solid copper clawfoot bathtub. And my life would be, if not complete, close to.
Now, for the items that make me look like an idiot.
2.) I went to the beach yesterday after work and, um, I guess didn't shave my pits yesterday. And possibly not the day before either. Not that things were at French-tourist level or anything, but I think I need to hang a sign in the bathroom or something that says, "Yo! It's June. Shave every day."
3.) As I was changing my clothes eighteen times today, looking for something that wouldn't irritate me in this heat (I didn't break down and turn on my A/C until this morning and it takes a long time to cool down the house), it occurred to me that, because I know, or at least strongly suspect, that some of the guys who work at my 7-11 are Muslim, I subconsciously try not to go in there too skimpily dressed. Which is the stoopidest thing ever, because I'm sure my baring my elbows or my calves, never mind cleavage, makes me look like a complete and total slut in their eyes, and secondly, really? I'm trying not to offend the guy who sells me the newspaper and orange juice? Just when you have yourself convinced you aren't completely nutz, realizations like this one smack you upside the head. Sigh.
xoxo
9 comments:
Hey, in certain parts of the Eastern Mediterranean/Middle East the Christians freak out if you walk into a church with your shoulders uncovered.
I've never figured out if "shoulders" was a euphemism for showing too much cleavage, or if the priests really do get all hot and bothered over bare clavicles.
My advice to you is a burka made with CoolMax. That way you'll be dressing for the weather and can't possibly offend anybody (well, with excessive bodily display, we won't mention whatever you might happen to say from inside that burka).
Plus, in that burka you'll never have to bother to shave your pits. :-P
Heh. I was going to dare you to google CoolMax burka and see if such a thing exists, but it's too hot for me to make brownies for you if you actually do it, so nevermind.
Secondly, I would not go into a church with my shoulders uncovered. Don't get me started on what people in the US of A wear to Mass these days. Even if I still believed in the faith in which I was raised, I wouldn't be going to church anyway because it pisses me off so much seeing these people who stroll in looking like they're just off a day of gardening. Shorts and tank tops are not church clothes, grrr.
I know, they'd say God doesn't care what you look like, it's the praying that counts. Then why not just pray when you're pulling weeds in that tank top? Have some respect for the occasion, yo. Flip flops and jeans are not acceptable clothes for every venue.
(See, you got me started.)
If you Google "CoolMax burka", the very top response is my comment to your blog posting! No joke. Google's pretty fast on the uptake!
Which means that there's apparently a wide open marketing niche just waiting to be filled by an enterprising woman not too proud to make money from religious fashion. ;)
How about some tiramisu? No baking involved. :)
OMG...we're Web celebrities? I hope that only applies when we're brilliant and scintillating, as in CoolMax burkas.
Um, yeah, I'm sure there are thousands of people googling "CoolMax burkas" even as we speak.
I wonder what rank we are in "anal bleaching"? Ahahaha.
I'm definitely going to hell. There is like no doubt about it at all.
I'm sure there would be thousands of people Googling "CoolMax burkas" if people were only told they needed them.
You won't be going to hell, you'll be helping wavering Islamic women stay with Allah as they feel cool and comfortable in their modern, high tech, burka fabric. That must get you at least a dozen virgins in paradise.
And the best thing about selling burkas: I'm pretty sure you really have to wear one while you're selling them, thus never needing to reveal your secret identity, nor needing to quit your day job.
(It just now occurs to me that a burka is the perfect secret identity concealment for a female superhero, since they'll never have to stop to change into their costume. You could probably arrange a product placement deal with Marvel Comics.)
This is such a good idea, I want 30% of the profits. ;)
You don't even make the first 100 links when it comes to anal bleaching, while malevolent-andrea's blog is currently the #1 location in the entire world for discussing wicking burkas. This is an opportunity not to be missed. :-)
You're going to hell with me. Maybe Satan will let us be roommates.
(If you stopped and read those first 100 anal bleaching links, keep it to yourself, 'k?)
Not only did I read every last one of them, after I found out that Helena Bonham-Carter was (allegedly) an advocate of anal bleaching, I made an appointment for next week! :-P
Maybe you, I, and Helena Bonham-Carter can all be roommates in hell. She's probably fun to hang with. We can hear all about what Tim Burton likes in bed. (Though I guess we might *already* know!)
hahahaha
Okay, that's it. I am not commenting any more in this post, because I'm starting to scare even myself.
Post a Comment