Can I just say, I have had the most boring day at work today. Half my patients cancelled or dnk'd and the half that came were...boring. I mean, not personally. They just were very routine and presented no challenge.
Also, the ATM in the lobby has been out of order for two days now, which is seriously pissing me off, since I want to get cash but I do not want to stop at the bank on the way home. (Maybe I should call my Eastern Bank customer service lady who keeps leaving me those nice messages and ask her to run a few twenties by my house! Customer service, my ass.) I think that's all the complaining I have to do. For the moment. No guarantees.
Oh, wait. I was also looking at winter puffer jackets online while I was being dnk'd, because I figure if I give my off-white one with the jammed pocket zippers and the not-totally-well-distributed-anymore down that I got in 2003 to the coat drive next week, I ought to have a replacement lined up. Down jacket weather is coming sooner than we would like to think, boys and girls. So last winter--that long long winter of falling on the ice and wearing sweatpants for weeks on end? that one--every time I was freezing my ass (literally) off waiting for the MBTA, I told myself that when I replaced that off-white jacket, I was going to buy a longer 3/4 length one that covered my crotch, my butt, my upper thighs. But my online shopping today was sadly disappointing. I do not want to look like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man and I do not want to pay $250 (though if theoretically we were to divide that by six years, it's dirt cheap). So now I'm like, well, maybe you shouldn't give that jacket to the coat drive, Andrea, because what if you do and then you can't find anything you like to replace it? You'll be stuck trudging to work at 6:30 in the morning in January in a wool dress coat and risking frostbite, that's what. It's a sad dilemma.
See what I did there? I just shared my boredom. Spread it around, as it were. You're welcome.
First person who mentions LL Bean in the comments gets a punch in the arm the next time I see you. Consider this your warning.
xoxo
9 comments:
Give it your best shot--I've got a full-length Gore-Tex lined goose down parka from the beaners and it's the warmest thing on the planet. Seriously. Like 20 below wind tunnel conditions on the top of a VT mountain, and feeling like unzipping cuz you wore an extra sweater underneath and now it's too much. And not sweaty too much, either, cuz of the Gore-Tex. Seriously. You need to put fasion and pride aside on this one. Go with the pros.
Tsk. No one respects my wishes. NO ONE. :-PPPPP
I know you guys (and by this I mean actual male people) don't understand this. Every year when I make my yearly midwinter post about how i feel so ugly I cannot stand it because it's been weeks of nothing but hat hair, unattractive shoes/boots suitable for trudging through slush, the inability to wear a skirt, the bulky layers, the dry skin, winter fat, etc etc, I know you guys just don't get it.
And I know you, Mr Barma, especially don't get it, because you *like* winter [which to me is like saying you like dental surgery without painkillers, but whatev.] I hate winter. I hate the dark, the cold, the falling on the ice, the clearing the snow, the trekking through slush puddles. Basically I hate everything about it. And feeling incredibly ugly and unfeminine for weeks at time just does not help. I know you also cannot understand the material difference between my ::ahem:: highly feminine collection of hoodies that I wear the rest of the year and an LL Bean parka, but for me, there is one.
I need to hold on to one little tiny piece of vanity in January and February lest all be lost. Trust.
Hey, women with poor self and body image problems are completely missing the point about how great their breasts look to us guys when augmented by a couple of cubic feet of goose down.
Here's the thing--the "hate" of winter is the hate of all things unlikeable about being wet and cold, and possibly on ones derriere in a wet and cold snowbank to boot. These "hates" are all cured by a Gore-Tex goose down parka and a pair of Sorrel felt-lined and monster-soled boots. (The Turtle Fur hat, long wool scarf, and oversized Gore-Tex mittens are the icing on the cake, and the place to make your fashion statement). The hat and scarf are what gets you the attention, and then all the guys just want to know what you look like unzipped. It couldn't be easier.
Double besides, "plush" is highly appreciated by men who are also trying to ward off the cold, and who couldn't be happier to discover that the object of their down-wrapped affection is a thermally beautiful 98.6 of full-figured-ness. Nobody who knows anything about winter wants to share an igloo with skinny anyway.
I've just now noted quite a number of long puffy coats in girly colors on the LLBean web site, some of which claim to keep you comfortable to 40 below. Prices at $149 or less.
Also, unlike designers with differing first initials, the Bean coats will actually keep you warm with actual all-natural insulation from actual fluffy geese, not cranked out artificially at toxin-laden factories by 8-year-old Chinese children.
And I'm not the first person to mention this obvious New England solution to you, so I should be safe from random acts of violence.
See, it's impossible for you to understand. Men's clothes don't make you guys *feel* anything, do they?
Like I have clothes that make me feel pretty and clothes that make me feel sassy and clothes that make me feel sexy, and conversely clothes that make me feel ugly and dowdy, and I'm not sure by any means that the clothes that make me feel pretty do, objectively, look any better on me to anyone else than the clothes that make me feel ugly. Doesn't matter.
For instance, I've been wearing the "autumn leaves" jacket quite often lately, not just because it's the time of year for it, but because it makes me feel cheerful. It's so funky and cute and sassy and it makes other people smile, and random strangers (including cops, remember?) tell me they love it, and so it makes me feel good. Do I think it's the most flattering thing I own? Nope. That's a whole different question.
Loopholes, Mr Indemnity. Maybe the second person gets a fork in their arm. Are you skeered yet? :-PPPP
But who is going to stand up in defense of clothes that (just) make you feel warm???
Warm is sexy.
It's been my experience that women who do not feel warm do not easily let themselves get talked out of whatever they're still wearing.
That's not true. We say, "Please come lie down on top of me!"
Truth.
So now you've solved the mystery of why the Michelin man looks the way he does? However, I think Mr Barma is on to something.
Post a Comment