Tuesday, October 27, 2009

purchased tatas

Have you guys seen Amy Winehouse's new boobs? If you haven't, and you want to, go over to gofugyourself, and check her out. She's being fugged for appearing out and about in a bustier which is a.) too small for her new breastses and b.) askew, so that 3/4 of her left nipple is clearly saying hi to everybody. (Amy Winehouse out for an evening with her garments askew? There's a shocker.)

But my problem with the picture is not Amy's unfortunate ensemble. It's her surgeon. Her new giant gazongas are so out of proportion to that woman's teeny tiny skinny small-boned little frame, they look absolutely wrong. They might look just peachy on someone who had thirty pounds on Ms Winehouse, but not her. She looks like she needs to have two houseboys, trailing along side of her, holding each one up lovingly so as to save her poor erector spinae muscles, not to mention her traps. Doesn't it fall to the plastic surgeon, as the professional, to say gently, "I'm sorry, Ms Winehouse, but a 90 pound woman cannot reasonably have DDD knockers."

I mean, c'mon now. I'm sure he was skeered of her (I know I would be), and I'm sure she had lots of money to buy her shiny new tits, but what ever happened to "first do no harm"? Or, y'know, aesthetic judgment. Shouldn't you have to pass a test of aesthetic judgment to become a plastic surgeon? When I rule the world...

xoxo

5 comments:

Jean said...

Maybe she convinced her doctor that she would go to rehab, and everyone knows you gain weight when you get off the smack. It was a futures bet gone horribly wrong.

Uncle said...

The next time she keels over, she can reasonably claim that she has a balance problem.

I'm going back to take a count of how many synonyms for "breast" you used, and then do research to see what you might have missed ;)

malevolent andrea said...

You guys are putting such a generous spin on this!

(And, THANK YOU. I was hoping someone would notice that I didn't use the same word for breasts twice :-))

Uncle said...

This blog (http://mrcommonsensical.blogspot.com/2006/12/heres-stuff-for-your-vocab.html) lists a total of 44 synonyms...some of which are news to me. But I suppose you didn't want to grow redundant.

malevolent andrea said...

Well, see, some of us have important adult skills, like how to manage our finances and organize our records, and some of us know a lot of words for "boob."

Takes all kinds to make a world.