I will kill myself.
Now, as you people know, I worry about very many things. I also have certain impulses towards being somewhat more critical of myself than I would ever be towards any of you or, really, anyone. And I like cosmetics and girly shit, all kinds of girly shit: lipstick, flat irons, mineral powder, seche vite and OPI, endless varieties of hand cream that do not actually work when you commit as much genocide by purell as I do, aveda blue malva shampoo, john frieda shampoo, paul mitchell shampoo, lush rehab shampoo--I own it all. So, y'know, one might just think I am *exactly* the consumer this advertisement*** is aimed at:
Q. “I used to be so “Pink” and healthy looking on my inside Labia Lip area. Now I am losing that fresh look. Is there anything I can do”?
A. Yes, now there is a solution! “My New Pink Button” is a Cosmetic Dye especially for the woman's genital area, to help restore that healthy vibrant Rosy color. Until now there has never been a solution for restoring natural pigment. This is a concern with many women and more than you can even imagine, and a frequent question that Physicians are asked. Check out the blogs on the Internet. You are not alone! This is a common problem and we now have a simple and safe solution, restoring sexual confidence to Women everywhere!
But one would be wrong.
Have I said "Jesus wept" yet this year? Jesus wept.
xoxo
***http://www.mynewpinkbutton.com/content/FAQ.htm
10 comments:
I am not sure I want to click the link. Jesus and God and Buddha too are all weeping Im sure. Good lord. This is as bad or worse than anal bleaching.
I swear to god, my mouth hasn't dropped open in horror that much since I saw the pubic hair stencils that would allow you to have a dollar sign waxed directly above your (presumed) moneymaker.
"more than you can even imagine" indeed. Until I saw this, I never imagined it. I think a poll of male readers is appropriate here.
You'll notice the menfolks are remaining mute :-) :-)
Shows how often we do it with the lights on?
I'd be afraid of the rouge rubbing off on things, and then waking up, stumbling to the bathroom, and then breaking out in a cold sweat in fear it's a rash coming on.
Makes me think of the way Smokey Robinson looked on that Sam Cooke special they ran on PBS the other day--all pink and very, very scary.
Again, if there's any questions out there: Show up naked. Bring food.
This man finds the very concept both astounding and appalling. It's never ever occurred to me to even notice the color, let alone have any particular preference (and a palette of four options to choose). By the time one gets to the point of close contact with that area, color seems pretty damn unimportant... I mean, there's at least two commonly visible attributes that are worth noticing, but color's never been one of them.
And I've most certainly never thought one was more or less attractive due to its hue, or any other difference... when I've got one in the, ummm, flesh (or even in the Internet) they've all look awfully good, if not all exactly the same--but that's most definitely a case of vive la différence.
It's kinda depressing that someone can come up with yet another item for women come to feel there's physical "standard" they must meet (that no one even knew existed last year). I blame porn: else how would women outside the medical field even know that their naughty bits differ from any other woman's naughty bits? There's a lot of good things about porn, but how it seems to make women feel their bodies are supposed to look isn't one of them.
Now please excuse me while I go make that penis enhancement appointment...
I blame pr0n for everything, but y'all know that.
Male opinion: Just use lipstick. Yes, it gets everywhere, that's the point. Let him watch you put it on, them smear it all off.
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