ramblicious

I went for a very long walk this afternoon, partly because I felt like I needed the exercise and it had mostly stopped raining, and partly because I got it into my head that I wanted a piece of fish to make for dinner tonight and I figured I'd do a goal-oriented walk to the market. The condition of the sidewalks probably should have made me reconsider, but hey.

I was listening to Amy Winehouse on the iPod while I walked, because if song after song about drinking and infidelity don't put you into the holiday mood, I don't know what will. I told you all I have a pretty black mood towards this time of year--though I will say, swear to god, Marcy is helping me, because while my thoughts are fairly black, I feel very calm and peaceful about it, no anxiety, no teariness, no problems sleeping as I dwell on the things that put me in a shitty, shitty mood. And so while I walked and enumerated in my head that list of things that I perceive other people to have that I do not and which make me sad, I also was able to list a bunch of things I have that other people might be envious of. And feel peaceful. I wasn't even swearing in my head at all the people who didn't even try to clear their sidewalks properly. Acupuncture FTW.

I walked by one of the larger of the local Catholic churches (where apparently they were having Christmas mass at 4 fucking pm on Christmas Eve, which is a travesty), and for those of you who don't live in eastern Massachusetts let me point out that there are *a lot* of Catholic churches hereabouts. And that, through a convoluted series of thoughts I won't go into, led me to remembering Dave K. Dave K was the only (to my knowledge) Jewish kid in my high school at the time I attended. Dave K sat in front of me in 10th grade American history class and we spent most of that whole school year carrying on a gentle flirtation with each other there in the back of Ms L's class. He was a good-looking boy, Dave K was. Despite our long and gentle flirtation, he would never ask me out for the simple fact that, sadly, Dave K was a social climber and I was not popular enough (I know, you're shocked) for him to do more than flirt with. He was such a social climber that, that very year, he had a party while his parents were away and threw it open to a whole bunch of people (you know, like seniors) who he didn't really know but who he thought would boost his standing. They did many thousands of dollars of damage to his parents' house. Poor Dave K. So, yeah, I was thinking about him today and wondering whatever happened to him, because despite the fact he would never ask me out, I certainly would never bear him any ill will. I should probably google him right now! He had an unusual last name, I bet he'd be easy to find.

I was gonna tell you more things I was thinking about on my walk, but I think I'll save them for another time. I gotta cook.

Smooches to all.

xoxo