I have one thing to say to you. Be glad, be very very glad, that you did not live in ancient China.
Why's that, Andrea? Well, I saw Marcy again today and we started talking about my kidney "energy". Mainly because it came up in conversation that my son is 22 and she was like, whoa, wait a minute, how old are you again? (I feel her, because I know from experience that even though you have a piece of paper with the patient's d.o.b. on it, you don't always do the math in your head to figure out what their age is. Especially if, like me, you're at the point where half the time you can't remember what year we're in now.) Anyway, Marcy thought I was in my 30s and said the fact that I look young for my age is indicative of good kidney energy, a very positive thing.
Depleted kidney energy is supposed to make you look old before your time and is thought by the Chinese to be due to the kind of hard living that we Westerners would also consider as contributing to a, uh, Keith Richard-like visage: drugs, too much drinking, too many long hours, too much work. But the Chinese also worry about depleted kidney energy not just for its cosmetic detriment, but because unlike other things that can be brought back into balance with acupuncture or herbs or healthy living, their theory is that you have a finite amount of this kidney energy from birth and when you use it up, it's gone, never to be recovered. Leading to all kinds of health problems and, I guess, ultimately, death.
Still with me? Well, besides the too much partying and too much work depleting it, they also feel that in women it is depleted by bearing too many children (understandable) and in men by too much sex (huh?!?). So, Marcy said, the ancient Chinese had all kinds of rules and superstitions about when it was okay to have sex. Including that you weren't supposed to have sex at all *all winter*, the idea being that your body was supposed to be more in a hibernation mode in the cold weather.
So, guys? If you were in ancient China, you'd be being abstinent right now, preserving your kidney energy. Till, like, March or something.
I know, I know. Some of you all woulda said "fuck it! I'll just die young." You know who you are.
xoxo
4 comments:
Moi??? I've already outlived my kidneys. What now?
Well, apparently now you're on a long slow (or maybe fast?) slide to death, so I recommend you have as much sex as you possibly can before they put you in the ground.
Though, actually, that's my advice in every situation, so I'm not sure I'd trust it. ;-) Merry Merry Xmas Eve!!
These are the same people who believe in dosing their breakfast cereal with melamine, so I'm not sure I'm buying it, exactly. Though, to be clear, if we're being asked to admit it, yes, I'd prefer to go out with a smile on my face. :-)
Tsk. That's the modern Chinese, who apparently have lost the path of their ancestors. They're probably all fornicating *right now* in between shifts at the melamine factory.
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