I just watched Puccini for Beginners on DVD. It's an indie romantic comedy, slight but pleasant. The main character Allegra is a lesbian writer who, after a breakup, finds herself falling for a guy she meets at a party, even though, y'know, she's a lesbian. She tells him all they can do is have a meaningless fling because, y'know, she's a lesbian. He promptly breaks up with his girlfriend for her. And then Allegra meets his ex-girlfriend, without knowing who she is, and--because this is a romantic comedy--starts falling for her too, with the usual wacky complications ensuing.
But what I find interesting, solely because I've had this conversation with some of you all before, is that when she's in the midst of dating and sleeping with both of them, she's trying to gently bring up that fact to the guy and she asks him, "So, how do you feel about non-monogamy?" (Even though just a couple scenes before, she's told him he can only be a fling.) But in the movie, and I guess in our culture, because they've had sex a few times, the default is that they're automatically then a couple who are supposed to expect monogamy from each other, without ever having discussed it.
I think that's so fucked up. In *my* world, everybody's free to date whoever they want until there's a specific agreement made that, nope, now we're a monogamous couple. It doesn't just magically happen without any conversation or discussion, no matter how many dates you've had or what you've done with each other's bits.
I seriously don't understand how other people think sometimes.
xoxo
2 comments:
Hmm, is that what they used to mean by the Feast of the Assumption?
If I believed in the lightning bolts anymore, I'd be duckin'.
Hey, I think I've specifically talked to you about the very same question: about how books and especially movies almost always do that, move immediately into assumed monogamy after sleeping together, or a hot kiss, or just a really good cup of coffee... (with the assumption of a very few, really well written, independent productions).
Remember I actually asked you about that, cause it didn't seem right to me, but I was wondering if maybe I was the one who was confused about cultural assumptions.
So I guess it's the shorthand plotjumping you have to use to tell a story in under two hours of screen time, but I think far too many see that so often in movies and TV, and think that's just the way it is for everyone: one night of making out or hot roll in the hay, and the automatic, undiscussed assumption is monogamy... for one of the hayrollers.
I wonder how much real life interpersonal dating drama is caused by said undiscussed, media induced, assumptions?
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