Okay, no more bitchin about my unvitation and my cheap-ass relatives. Let's return instead to the ever popular topic of breasts. The Real Life episode I brought up in here yesterday was also addressed on jezebel today. Cue four pages of comments (and probably counting) from women who hatehatehate their big boobs.
I'll admit this surprised me a bit. Women whose breasts are my size or smaller (cupwise) filled with loathing for them. Huh. Wow. Because you know that, despite their disadvantages, of which there are a few, I lurve mine. They're right up there with my wrists, calves, ribcage, and crow's feet as my favorite bodily feature, and for someone with the degree of body hatred/borderline dysmorphia I have, that's saying something. In fact, TO MY SHAME, a few months ago, I came across one of those body-positive sites where people send their un-photoshopped pics (in this case, of their breasts) so others can see what "real" people actually look like as opposed to the unrealistic standard force fed us by the media, and (again, I emphasize TO MY SHAME) I was looking at all these photos of other women's natural breasts going, "yeah, mine are prettier than hers, and hers, and hers, and..." Which is totally against the spirit, and lesson intended, of such sites, but I am a bad person. In fact, I can't believe I just admitted that publicly.
Anyway. Enough about my character flaws. So, the reasons all these women gave for hating their breasts were interesting to me. One big one was they make you look heavier/fatter than you are. I agree, and it goes double for photos. The solution for this is to always wearing fairly fitted tops, so that it's obvious that you aren't huge all over. (The solution for the photo thing is to just accept the fact that you will never look as good in pics as you do in real life and that's why all models are super emaciated and flat chested.)
Which leads to big complaint number two: that if you wear fitted clothing, which doesn't make you look obese, you look, instead, "slutty." Okay, this one I categorically object to. My breasts do not, by their mere presence *beneath clothing*, make me look slutty. When I choose, rarely, to display a copious amount of cleavage in public...maybe. (Even then, I think there is little to nothing about me that screams "skank" but, on the other hand, skeevy foreign guys do offer me rides even when I'm wearing a hoodie and flipflops, so maybe I'm just deluding myself badly.) But, no, I reject the idea that just having breasts under a t-shirt or a sweater makes a woman look like a whore. That's ridiculous.
Leading to big complaint #3: that having big breasts garners you unwanted attention from skeevy men. My perspective, born of 30+ years of being leered at, is thus: skeevy men will always give you unwanted attention. If it's not your breasts, it's your ass or your legs or the mere fact that they're positive there's a vag there under your clothing. Trust me, if skeevy men are offering me rides at my advanced age, your average twenty year old girl is going to be harassed occasionally no matter whether she's got big boobs or not. The boobs just give the douches something to focus on; if they aren't there, they'll find something else. Blame the fact that they're douches, instead of hating your own poor innocent body. Srsly.
The other big complaints are ones that, unfortunately, I have to say are best solved by age or rather, the fact that age usually brings more disposable income: that there aren't any pretty bras in big sizes and that big boobs cause back pain. My perspective as someone with a very small back and proportionately huge breasts (i.e. someone whom you'd think would be a poster child for back pain) is this: if you have good, comfortable, well-engineered bras that keep your breasts supported the right way and that actually fit, your back will not hurt and you will not dread putting your bra on. These bras do not, however, come cheap. But if you are able to spend $50+ for one, you can get them and your breasts will not cause you pain. And if you are spending $50+ for this magical bra, you can also get a very pretty one. When I was in in my twenties, there is no way I could do this, having hundreds of dollars tied up in my lingerie drawer, so I understand the young women who are complaining. But really, the right underwear goes a long way towards tolerating, or even lurving, your big boobs.
And thus ends today's seminar. Peace!
xoxo
3 comments:
Though partially true, (that skeevy men will skeeve on virtually any body part), don't forget that breasts do, indeed, tend to stick out in a crowd. Put another way--hotties with well-sculpted calves will not tend to be perved upon as frequently as their dolly-esque crowdmates at the bar, or at least not before the pervs become falling-down drunk and can get a better look.
My theory is that male pervishness is proportionally stimulated by the amount of effort they percieve to have been made in the enhancement of a woman's physical appearance. A woman alone always "wins", since relative to the woman *not* beside her while she's crossing the street in her hoodie and flip flops, she's always going to appear to be the relative hottest. (You weren't by any chance wearing capri's so that your calves were visible, were you???)
I was wearing bermuda shorts, so my whole leg from the knee down was exposed (like the brazen hussy I am)!
But, y'know, the mention of flipflops leads me to wonder if my skeevy foreign guy was in fact a *foot guy* like the gentleman up your way who found himself in so much trouble after apparently offering a strange woman a ride. Though, I can't imagine my feet could be that enticing from the vantage point of his freakin minivan. So I'm going with the supposition that it was just his guess that I do in fact own a vag that made him proposition me.
Like I said, if it's just you, then there's nobody else in the running to be the hottest girl there, (not that they'd have any chance anyway, mind you, but I'm just sayin'), and it doesn't take a skeeve to have their head spun around by a pretty girl.
"Hey, baby, why don't you take me to Monongahela and we can paint those toenails of yours before we head down to the bar for an IC and stir up some fun with the locals".
Post a Comment