regruntle me, please

I am in such a bad mood for so many reasons and, as is my usual, I would like to tell you people all about it. It's just like therapy, only without all the inconvenient, expensive copays.

So, what's the problem(s)?

1.) The weather. It sucks. I would detail for you all the ways it sucks, but you have windows. And if you don't live within 50 miles of me, you have The Weather Channel. So, suffice it to say, it sucks. As a by-product of this suckage, I give you:

2.) Do you know what happens when it rains, boys and girls? That's right! Grass grows! Weeds grow! Despite the fact that my man Justin cut my front yard 10 days ago, it is looking semi-jungle-like again. Since Justin and I have gone our separate ways, like any two sensible people in a dysfunctional relationship, that means one of two things must occur. I can attempt to see if my crappy lawn mower will start, and if it does, whether it will actually cut anything. Of course, the fact that the grass is continually wet makes this all the more problematic. Plus, as I have told you, the whole idea makes me want to throw up, I am so sick of the endlessness and futility of it. Or I can attempt to find someone who I can hire to take care of it weekly. I would love to do this, ut after my experience with Justin, this also makes me want to throw up.

3.) My hair. I do NOT know what this girl did when she cut it last week--it looked fine and even what I wanted when I walked out of that salon, but it has looked like absolute shit every day since, no matter what I attempt to do to it. Product before drying, product after drying, hairspray, flatiron, curling iron, conditioner A, conditioner B, old shampoo, new shampoo. None of it makes a difference. Even if i manage to make it look okay for five minutes before I leave the house, by the time I get to work (or wherever), it looks like shit again. It makes me feel unkempt, and ugly.

4.) Speaking of which. I took my midpoint progress pictures for my contest yesterday, and I am not pleased. Liz told me she was sure I was going to see improvement in them and be pleased. I do not and I am not. Or if I do see any, it is so very incremental it might as well be nothing. I have worked so diligently. I have eaten protein and more protein when "all I want is a piece of toast."



I have managed to put on three pounds since April 11 (four since March), some of which *has* to be muscle. Why does it not show up in my pics? And why do I care? Oh, I'll tell you why. Because I entered that damn competition, and while I am no super-competitive person who needs to win, I do need to not feel as if I am humiliating myself with my colossal failure. Which brings us to:

5.) Fucking fantasy baseball. That was going pretty good for a while, then it was going terrible, and then it was going better, and now we're right back to terrible. If one more of these fucking losers goes on the DL with an "oblique strain" or, y'know, a fucking hemorrhoid, I will not be responsible for my actions.

I think there was more, but I just ran out of complaining steam.

Let's end with some rainbows and kitten orgasms, 'k?

The Bruins are gonna win a Stanley Cup, the Red Sox would e so far in first place if they didn't fuck up all of April, and the pothole fairy came (really!) and mysteriously filled up the crater in my driveway with gravel. Also, I was right about where my MT last week went to school, because the massage place sent out a "meet our new therapists!" email today, which confirmed my suspicions. I like being right.

xoxo

Oh, yeah, 6.) the "b" key is sticking on this laptop still, causing me to have to correct like 5% of everything I type.