Last night.
Dude #1: "I get woken up at 5:30 in the morning by that crazy bitch Unique*** yelling at me and punching me in the face with her bony little hands."
Dude #2 (obviously less worried about his friend being assaulted and/or sleep deprived than other more important matters): "Wait. You fucked Unique?"
Dude #1: "No, no, no. She just came in my room where I was sleeping, man, and started punching me."
Whew. Glad we got that cleared up. Sordid story of police coming, Unique absconding with Dude #1's property (which may have been drugs--see, these poor people *are* up to no good), rock being thrown at a car in which Unique was a passenger and landing in lap of person in no way involved, requiring heartfelt apologies, and plans for revenge best served cold.
This is why I don't need to watch TV. Real life is entertaining enough, yo.
xoxo
***There's a famous episode of MTV's True Life about young people who are responsible for supporting their entire families, one subject of which is a 19 year old girl named Unique from, like, Montana or Wyoming or somewhere, who after her mother's death, is supporting her younger siblings by working as an exotic dancer. In a cruel twist of fate, Unique, bestowed at birth with the perfect stripper name, takes a stripper name that is totally innocuous and non-stripper-like. Something along the lines of "Lauren" or "Kara", though I forget exactly. I do NOT think this is the same Unique, though it's always possible MTV girl moved east. She probably does have bony little fists. She was a small girl, if I remember correctly.
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