ok! complaint time

Now that Justin is actually out back of my house with many power tools and bags of rock, and this whole sad, doomed project will indeed be completed today, I can move on to other areas of disgruntlement. Specifically, my inability to buy a pair of shorts.

If you've been paying attention, you will know that I bought a pair of shorts. Black, knee length cargo shorts to replace my favorite olive green knee length cargo shorts that I had to donate since they did not fit any longer. I am happy with my purchase. They are cute (in a lesbian massage therapist sorta way). They are comfortable. They fit perfectly. I've washed them a couple times and they do not appear to e prone to fading or shrinking. And since the old olive green pair always made my friend Mr Indemnity inappropriately comment on my ass--he just is unable to behave himself sometimes, even when it leads me to sticking forks in his arm in diners--I am assuming they have similar ass-flattering properties. So what is my problem?

My problem is that they just don't go with everything. Some of my foofy, boho, loose shirts need to be paired with a different sort of shorts for the proportions to look right. Denim shorts, more fitted to the leg, to be specific. And, because I am an old woman and old women do not under any circumstance belong in booty shorts no matter how freakin much they go to the gym, they should fall somewhere between mid-thigh and the knee. Do you think it is possible to find such a garment, even though I can picture it clearly in my head? The answer, surprisingly, would be "no."

I went to TJ Maxx and Target last night, to see what I could find. Here's my problem with that nice new TJ Maxx: they carry very few women's articles of clothing below a size 4. They had exactly 0 pairs of shorts in my size. I wandered over to the "juniors" department--i.e. the teenage girl clothes. There I found...booty shorts. What else? I managed to find two pairs of jeans shorts that were longer. Of course, I had *no* idea what size I wear in juniors. I held 'em up and decided on "5." Well, in the dressing room, one pair of size 5s, I couldn't even get up over my thighs. The other pair fit, even a touch loosely because they were stretchy, but had some truly ridiculous weird distressing on the backs of them. A little too close to the acid wash of 1988, thank you. So I bought a navy and gray striped maxi skirt instead, which is a departure because I never wear stripes and I never wear navy. It was only $15. And that's kinda like shorts, right? Shut up.

So I went to Tarzhay, where ALL the denim shorts were booty shorts. And so bought a new $30 toilet brush holder for my bathroom. That's like shorts, right? I said, shut up.

Maybe at some point this week, I'll get to the mall, but I'm pretty discouraged.

xoxo