So, my best friend L was coming over today for dinner and a massage. While at the supermarket this morning buying a shitload of groceries, I decided to buy flowers too, so the table would look nice. They had sunflowers. I love sunflowers. Sunflowers have long stems. I needed to trim them to fit into the vase. You see where this story is going, right?
Yeah, somehow I managed to slip with the knife, which was really too dull for the job, but plenty sharp enough to take a shallow but quarter-inch-wide section of skin off my left index finger. "Motherfucker!" I yelled. Then I spent--I'm not exaggerating--an hour and a half attempting to get it to stop bleeding. I tried direct pressure, lots of direct pressure. I tried bandaids...I bled through three. I tried liquid bandage, which apparently doesn't work too well when you're spurting blood.
L called me to tell me she was leaving Worcester. "I'm having a big problem," I said. "I cut my finger and it won't stop bleeding." "Ohmygod, do you think you need stitches?" "No, no, it's not deep, it's just the top layer of skin, it's very vascular. I just wanted to let you know in case you get here and there's no food cooking." "We can go out for dinner. But leave me a note on the door if you decide to go to the hospital."
Finally I got some tissue to adhere to the cut (like when you nick yourself shaving?) and wrapped the whole finger so tightly in so much waterproof tape that no blood could leak out through it and that basically the circulation to the whole finger was, like, compromised. This enabled me to make salad, dressing, and meatballs without bleeding into any of it. And by the time L arrived, I was able to take the whole mess off without the bleeding starting up again. (In fact, I even eventually was able to give her her massage without incident.)
But I will say this. This is what I get for using the words "bleeding" and "seeping" in a figurative sense in e-mail yesterday.
Or maybe they just need to keep me away from sharp objects.
xoxo
2 comments:
Did you at least, in your Best Dan Ayckroyd channels Julia Child, wave your blood-spurting appendage about the kitchen while spraying all the cabinets and saying "I seem to have cut the dickens out of my finger" ?
I only *wish* I had had the presence of mind to do just that. :-)
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