I dunno if I've mentioned it to all y'all,but I have nicknames for some of the gym regulars I see all the time but whom I do not know. There's Cardiac Rehab Biker Dude (i.e. the guy with the ponytail, beard, and big beer belly who I see on the treadmill, or doing the weight machine circuit, with an expression of grim determination and absolutely no pleasure, looking exactly like someone who's been told, "You, sir, must lose thirty pounds and get in shape or the next heart attack's gonna kill you.") There's Red-haired Dominican Kid (self-explanatory.) And then there's Inappropriate PDA Weightlifting Couple.
Now, I've seen the latter working out together ever since I joined the Y last summer. When I first noticed them, I was somewhat unsure what their personal relationship was. Was he training her? Was she training him? Were they a couple? I would have assumed they were a couple, but he looked considerably (like fifteen years or so) older than her. On the other hand, she is one of those women whose age is hard to determine--she could be 23 or she could be 35--and anyway, some people have no problem with a significant age difference. I don't judge. Do what you do.
Then probably sometime this past February, after seeing them in the gym together frequently for six months, I passed by them making out in the stairwell that leads from the locker rooms to the fitness center. I don't mean they were having a quick kiss. I mean he had her pressed up against the freakin' wall. Oh, I thought, so I guess they are a couple. And then, when I saw them in the exact same position in the same stairwell two weeks later, I thought less charitable thoughts. Like, "Maybe watching each other pick things up and put them down gets you excited, (I don't judge!) but save that shit till you get home. Or at least to the car. Children walk through here. God." And they became Inappropriate PDA Weightlifting Couple in my head at that moment.
Well, some time last week, or maybe the week before, I saw him on a treadmill near me. Didn't see her around. Finished up my workout, went to the mat area to stretch. He has already finished before me and is also at the mats to my right, doing ab stuff. I have my iPod in, as I usually do of course, and I am taking my time, trying to unkink my fascia. She comes in, gets on a rowing machine, to my left. I see him get up and go over to her. I can just barely hear parts of their conversation over my music. It's sorta stilted. "Oh, hi. How was your day today?" kinda thing. Not the conversation of two people in a relationship who'd planned to meet up at the gym. And then, as he was walking away from her, "Well, have a good workout."
Oh, I thought to myself, Inappropriate PDA Weightlifting Couple have broken up. How sad. And now they need to share the gym and try not to be awkward around each other. Um, awkward.
Cut to today. Almost identical set up. He's on a treadmill. I'm on the mats. She comes in and head for the rowing machine; he heads over to her. I cannot hear the entire conversation, but it is not the conversation of two people who will soon be grinding against each other in a public passage way. There's even a fist bump involved. (He's a fist bump kinda guy. Don't ask.) As he's walking away from her, past me, I do hear him say, very clearly, "Yeah, I gotta go work off the cake I ate. My girlfriend made it for my birthday."
!!!!!
Oh, Adventurers, the possibilities.
Were they in fact a couple and he has, very very quickly after their breakup, found himself a new girlfriend? A new girlfriend who is already at the birthday cake-baking stage of lurve? Is he rubbing that in the face of his former PDA partner?
Or were they just gym friends and workout partners all those months before falling into a brief torrid illicit affair, and the girlfriend existed all along? (That might better explain the hallway tonsil exploration. They couldn't "save it till they got home." They were cheating.) Maybe one of them had an attack of guilt and called it off, swearing that not only could they no longer grope each other through their Under Armour, they could no longer spot each other's bench presses.
Both scenarios seem rife with the possibility of drama. Jealousy! Or, a return to their forbidden passion! Unfortunately, unlike the catnapping story, I doubt this will be cleared up by a tidy human interest story in the local media any time soon.
Unless someone gets stabbed. You never know.
xoxo
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