take away my shoelaces, please

Because I'm on suicide watch.

My boss just cheerfully informed me there is going to be 4-6 inches of snow tomorrow, followed by either another foot+ of snow Wednesday or an ice storm that will probably leave us all shivering in the dark with downed trees in our driveways. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I cannot take anymore of this. It's a good thing that yesterday I a.) got my first pedicure since September [because I just could not take my gross feet anymore] and b.) got drunk on overly expensive cocktails, because a person really needs some kind of perks to keep themselves going in this shit [even if they cannot actually afford such.] I don't know about you, but I may not make it to April. Fucking global warming.

The downside of yesterday's festivities was brunch with what I can only characterize as the worst service I have encountered in a long, long time. Kid, I only hope you're working your way through college successfully, 'cause you ain't gonna have a career in the food service industry to fall back on. How long do you, dear reader, think it should take to procure a dessert menu after you've asked for one? Clue: the answer is NOT "ten minutes" in a half-full restaurant. Kudos to the pastry chef, though, 'cause the chocolate cherry bread pudding was freaking delicious when I finally got to order and then consume it.

Another upside, however, is that, after my flatiron just decided to stop heating up this past week--leading to two really bad hair days in a row--I replaced it with not another flatiron (I think I'm over that--it's so 2004) but with a very wide-barrelled curling iron, and after using it yesterday before I went out, I had the most floofy adorable hair ever. In fact I came back from the restaurant bathroom yesterday and remarked, "My hair looks awesome today. Just sayin'." It's a good thing my friends are used to me by now. Ha!

In the downside column, my kid has so successfully succeeded in plugging up the toilet in his bathroom with a massive dump, that two days of plunging and all the home remedies the internet has to offer (dish soap and hot water! vinegar and baking soda!) has not completely dislodged it. If I end up having to pay a plumber because of that boy's colon problems, I'm not going to be happy.

Okay, I think that is all I have to tell you/complain about. I will update if there is more.

xoxo