i used to be fat

Shut up. I'm not talking about myself. That's the title of this new reality show on MTV. D and I watched it last night.

I don't know what I thought it was going to be about--besides, y'know, the obvious--but it in fact is like The Biggest Loser, except each episode is one fat person getting thinner over the course of three months rather than twenty people getting thinner week by week over the course of the series. But the whole thing relies on, just like that mean woman Jillian Michaels, a personal trainer screaming at the dieter and making them do what looks like an inadvisable amount and intensity of exercise. Taking someone who is at least 90 pounds overweight and who has never exercised before and making them run until they puke does not seem like a good plan to me, but what do I know? I didn't buy a personal training certification off the internet.

Justin, the trainer in yesterday's episode? I turned to D and said, "I dunno if I'd want that guy training me. His body just looks weird." And my son said, "I was just thinking that!"

I scoured the internet trying to find a picture and this is the best I could come up with.

The side view doesn't make it as obvious, but the dude has this little skinny torso with big shoulders and arms hanging off of it. Very disproportionate and strange-looking. Put down the EZ Curl bar, bro, and back away slowly. (That's disregarding the gelled, spiked up hair last seen in 1993, which is supposed to cover the fact it's getting thin up there. That is only a fashion faux pas and a sign of being a douchebag, and has no bearing on his training qualifications. I just couldn't let it go without mentioning. Because I'm malevolent. And he was so annoying.) He also made some dubious statements like "frequent small meals rev up the metabolism." I was shouting "not true!" at the TV, which I'm *sure* made him reconsider his stance.

There were a few other head-scratchers, like the girl going out for Mexican food with a friend and ordering chicken fatijas, hold everything but the chicken. Honey, some peppers and onions aren't gonna impede your dieting goals. Did Justin give you some kind of bro-science explanation of why they would, or are you just kinda stupid? Oh, and her triumph at the end of the show? Going out dancing for Halloween in a slutty costume. If I had an 18 year old daughter, that's what I'd be encouraging her to shoot for! Head/desk, as they say.

(Don't roll your eyes at me. I already told you I read a book and a quarter yesterday. How much intellectual effort do you expect me to expend in one day? God.)

xoxo

P.S. I guess I didn't already tell you I read a book and a quarter yesterday. Oops. I thought I had discussed my Kindle in yesterday's court-related proceedings. But, yeah. I finished Keith Richards' book finally, and then I read the newest (?) Dennis Lehane. Jesus, do I love his writing. I mean, maybe the plotting not so much, though most mystery/suspense/detective fiction requires a big ol' helping of suspension of disbelief anyway, but the prose. I love his writing style. There were sentences and passages in that book yesterday that made me go, "Huh. I wish *I* had written that." It makes me feel marginally better about at least three of those Jersey Shore people coming out with books. Or "books." Because if I think too hard about what gets published these days, I die a little inside.