The other day a twenty-ish kid posted a simple question: how many times have you been in love? Seems he's been once, from age 16-19, and reading between the lines, thinks it will never happen again. Awww, they're so cute at that age. Anyway, a woman of 35 (who's apparently been stewing in bitterness for 11 years or so) answered thusly:
Once. It started when I was 21 and lasted for three years. It was like a roller coaster: admiration, confusion, guilt, passion, desire, love, sex, hate. Since then I've decided never ever again! It is much better to be loved.
Discuss! (Heh.)
No, seriously. I found this fascinating, even with smilies attached. Maybe she's on to something. I mean, *obviously*, as you all know and judging from my bitter shriveled heart*** and sad romantic history, I have no idea how to facilitate this. I don't inspire love, at least not in the long term. Once they're no longer fascinated with my cunt and my big rack, the rest of me is apparently too weird and annoying to deal with. (Until they wake up from their near-death experiences and realize they've been wrong all along. Ha! [I'm sorry, but that will never stop being both funny and horrifying. Which is probably another reason I'm unlovable!])
But, y'know, on the other hand? I guess even if I could facilitate it, I really wouldn't want it. To be loved and not love back, that is. Obviously the first rush of infatuation is a chemical soup of pheromones and endorphins ("love is the drug and I need to score"--Brian Ferry) that beats out a lot of other drugs in the rush department.**** But the love that comes after that? The real love? The experience of that is so life-affirming, even if and when it ultimately breaks your heart. We exist to think, but we also exist to feel. Don't ever want to not feel.
(Twenty-ish weightlifting bro? You'll love again; don't listen to bitter older chicks.)*****
xoxo
***Do you need an irony alert? Really? Really?
****Not that I ever have used non-lawfully prescribed drugs. Ahem.
*****The parentheticals are out of friggin' control in this post. Deal!
1 comment:
Tis better to have loved...in my opinion. Having gone through a time when I shut myself off, for fear of being hurt again, yeah, much better to take that chance.
Next time, Im gonna be smarter about who I give my heart to and tell "Im very happy here" when lying in his arms. That's the most I have truly given of myself, and soon after that things changed. Looking back, he wasnt right for me, and ended up being very toxic.
But perhaps we have go through the "not good for me" ones to get to the "good for me" ones.
Hang in there, teenager. Tomorrow you could meet someone who could be the love of your life. Or the mother of your children.
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