Sunday, June 27, 2010

do me a favor

...and take a look at this website and tell me if it sounds shady and/or culty to you. They recently opened a franchise very conveniently located to my home and work, and from what you can see through the windows, it looks quite nice. Plus, the $20 per session of private/semi-private personal training is extremely reasonable, because that shit's expensive.

On the other hand, I know I do not want to follow their nutritional plan. The six small meals a day thing is really, really bad for me. It might do something good for other people's blood sugar and metabolism, but it just makes me ravenous with all the glucose spikes. Plus, the sample menu in the instructional video? 81 grams of carb in just the breakfast, including yogurt with sugar in it? I couldn't watch any more once they started talking about special "no cholesterol" eggs. If they believe cholesterol in your diet causes high blood cholesterol perhaps they should read some studies done after the fucking 1980s. So, no, I would not be following their food plan. But it doesn't seem optional.

Secondly, the whole "we don't accept everyone" thing is obviously a marketing ploy. I don't think people who buy franchises are looking to turn away anyone's bucks. It's all a cross between "if we make you think it's exclusive, you'll want it more" and the culty "oooo, you're special, we like YOU, won't you give us money?" Plus, what does "be coachable" mean? I'm thinking--and you guys know me, so correct me if I'm wrong--I probably am not. I have well-documented issues with authority.

Finally, the accountability thing is very vague and ominous. I could get into some very sick and twisted fantasies about what I would like my buff and terribly good-looking trainer to do if I don't meet my goals, but dudes, I bet they charge you extra penalty fees. (M1 goes to TOPS and they have to pay a token fine if they've gained weight at weigh-in, but I'm betting slick upscale franchise gyms would ding you more than a token amount.) And then, if they're shady, they could easily rig the scales or bodyfat measurement to make it seem like, oh, sorry, you haven't quite made goal, you haven't been working hard enough! Extra charges for you this week!

I think I've probably talked myself out of this, but whadda you think? Am I being overly cynical? Should I drop in and let myself get the sales spiel and argue about their diet plan? Now that I've dropped pretty much all the fat I wanted to, I really want to get everything tightened up and non-flabby and I know that means weights. So it's very very tempting.

xoxo

2 comments:

Uncle said...

My wife was with them over a year, and would still be if I hadn't got laid off. She got very toned and lost numerous inches...also quite a few pounds, without totally going on their plan. I don't know why they put so much emphasis on the diet plans now, because the fitness programmes are first rate and stand very well on their own. The major minus I see is that it's pretty damn expensive. Just one experience.

malevolent andrea said...

Oh, thank you! Good to know they aren't as skeery as that website might imply and that your wife had a good experience. I think I will check them out.