secrets of ancient chinese medicine

This is going to be a TMI post, so bail now if you need to. I have *got* to tell this to someone and I didn't think I should bring it up at work today. I mean, with the conversations that go on in my office, I probably *could* have, but I decided to err on the side of discretion. Ahem.

Yesterday I went to see Marcy. I was telling her that I'd noticed I'd been feeling a little down, a little depressed, in a flat sort of way. Not sad and crying, not particularly cranky or anxious, just meh. Flat. Well, when she got me on the table, she put four needles at the top of my head, sorta in an north-south-east-west pattern. She said those were "extra points" which were not on a meridian. There's something called the Governing Vessel running up through your body and out the top of your head, and the Chinese believed in stimulating those points to draw energy up whenever you had something that needed to be lifted up. Not only your mood, as in my case, but for instance, they would do the same if you had a prolapsed organ or to prevent miscarriage in a pregnant woman. Marcy said she would definitely NOT do those points on me if I were in one of my anxious phases, because it would probably crank the crazy dial to 11.

I left Marcy's and took the commuter rail back to the gym. Unlike when I had the horrible gym session unwisely lifting right after getting a massage, I figured the hour it would take me to take the Green Line to North Station, then take the train home, then walk to the gym from the station and change clothes would be quite enough time for any post-acupuncture fuzziness to clear. Indeed it was. I killed it, including the shoulder presses I'd been whining to my lifting friends about my lack of progress with last week. Some of that can be attributed to my taking their advice to cut down on my warm up set, but in retrospect, I feel like my energy might have been elevated too.

Came home from the gym and ate a late dinner and was wide awake. Physically tired but very alert. I went to bed to read, hoping that might make me sleepy. As I was reading, I became aware that I was, well, physically aroused. Very physically aroused. To be clear, the novel I was reading, while containing some mild sexual content, was in no way titillating or particularly spicy. Neither was I, or had I been, daydreaming about anything exciting. Anthony Kiedis was not eating ice cream out of my navel in my subconscious, is what I'm saying. I was just physically horny as hell.

One way to take care of that. (Well, technically, more than one, but I only had one way at my disposal. So I used it.) And I think I may have mentioned before, but I am like a dude. Usually an orgasm leaves me satisfied and ready to just roll over and crash. Not yesterday. I was still not sleepy in the least. I turned the light back on and recommenced reading. After a bit I realized that not only was I not sleepy and not getting sleepy, I was still/again aroused and to the point of physical discomfort. Ignoring it and concentrating on my reading did not make it go away. Well, I was really perplexed by this party in my pants, but it was, like I said, uncomfortable, so I went for round two. After which...

Can you see how this story is going? I swear to you all, I ended up finally having to take an ativan to knock me out, because it was 2:30 am and I had to get up for work in the morning.

It makes me wonder...do the Chinese treat erectile dysfunction with those points? Was the ol' penis one of the things this is supposed to elevate? Because I felt like the Cialis warning about the erection lasting four hours or more. I was tempted to email Marcy today and ask.

Anyway, that, boys and girls, is the story of how ancient Chinese medicine turned me into a nymphomaniac. Let's just hope tonight is one and done.

xoxo