going all ebert on your asses

In the last week, I have seen three movies, totally because I realized that I'd seen absolutely nothing that was nominated for anything and because these three movies were playing at the (slightly) cheap(er) and very convenient theater. Plus, did I mention? My bank balance was looking satisfactory.

Movie #1: The Descendants

I don't think this is a spoiler, because it's all in the friggin' trailer to the movie, but this is a film in which George Clooney becomes a Better Man and a Good Dad when he finds out his comatose and soon-to-be-taken-off-life-support wife had been cheating on him. I have three things to say about this film.

First thing: the beginning twenty minutes or so of it are so freaking slow and boring that had I not been sitting in the middle of a row, I might seriously have thought about getting up and leaving, which is something I never, ever do. After that, however, it picks up and I ended up quite enjoying it. I'm not sure Clooney is a great actor, but he does hold your attention on the screen. Second thing: this is exactly the kind of movie that always gets nominated for an Oscar. It's supposed to instruct us or illuminate for us the human condition, blah blah blah. I read an interview recently--I think it was Brad Pitt talking about why he chose to star in Moneyball, even though he's not a baseball fan--and the point was made that somewhere in the 80s or 90s, it became mandatory for the characters in a film to Grow and Change by the end of the film, and Moneyball was more of a throwback to the 70s kind of movie, where the character stays the same but maybe the world around him/her just shifts a little, and that was the appeal. Well, Brad's friend George's movie is a stunning example of the Grow and Change cliche. I mean, there's absolutely no surprise to the ending. (slight spoiler) Do we really think his little family is *not* gonna pull together and become closer and more functional? Do we really think he's *not* gonna make the noble business decision that's good for the people of his state, rather than the one that'll net him a huge amount of easy money? The only interesting twist to that is that the noble business decision also screws the guy who was screwing his wife, so at least there's a little depth there. Third thing: if I had known this movie was by the guy who did Sideways, I'd have never have gone to it, because that, along with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, is one of my top two acclaimed movies of recent years that I hate with the fiery passion of a million suns. So, yeah, it's a good thing I didn't realize! Final Grade: B.

Movie #2: Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close

Another movie that is exactly the kind that always gets nominated for an Oscar, this one because it's supposed to be terribly touching and sad and uplifting and blah blah blah. It didn't touch me at all, yo. I could not have cared less about the kid in it and his healing from his beloved father's death in 9/11. The kid was obnoxious and unsympathetic. And I say this as someone who sobs every time she watches The Sixth Sense*** which it pinged for me slightly, even though there's no similarity between them other than being about a weird fatherless boy in pain. I am really over people with mental differences (this kid is supposed to be maybe Aspergers, maybe not) as protagonists just because their weirdness allows the film-maker or author to then do things with the plot that they couldn't if the character was "normal." (Know what other film I fucking despise? Forrest Gump. Yeah.) I also realized when watching this movie that there's probably never been a Tom Hanks movie that I've seen that I actually liked, though I will admit I've managed to avoid some of his most popular movies. This is not due to any dislike of Mr Hanks per se, not as a person or as an actor. I think I just don't like his taste in scripts! Finally, and this is probably a spoiler, but I have a plot question. When the kid meets The Renter, is that a set-up by his mother/grandmother so he'll have someone to watch over him on his search, and I'm supposed to infer that when his mother later reveals that she knew what was going on all along? Because otherwise, it makes no sense that his grandmother was out in the middle of the night. I mean elderly Jewish ladies from the Old Country are not known for being party animals. I mean, as far as *I* know. Also, the fact that The Renter was mute was another example of a ridiculous plot contrivance. I realize that's the fault of the author of the book, and not the filmmaker, but whatev. Final grade: C-.

Movie #3: My Week With Marilyn

I liked this one the best. No "message" but it was charming and touching and the acting was very good. I think they did a good job of showing just how fucked up Marilyn was while still making her sympathetic. And it was short. And the makeup/clothes/scenery were cool. And I would definitely read the book this one was based on. Maybe it was just more my type of film than the other two, but I enjoyed it. Final grade: A-

That's it, kids!

xoxo

***I was writing this review in my head the other night on my way home and I could not think of the title of this movie. It was on the tip of my brain and driving me insane and I couldn't wait to actually get home and look it up. So I texted Mr Indemnity "Dude! Help! What's the name of the movie about the kid who sees ghosts and Bruce Willis is his dead shrink?" But because I was trying to text with my gloves on, I accidentally texted it to M2 first. Twelve hours later when she finally checked her texts, she wrote back "Dude! It's the sixth sense. The ONLY good movie by m night shyamalan." Which frankly was hilarious. I will also say Mr Indemnity did *not* make his usual dig about how if I had an iPhone I could have looked it up myself. He's slipping!