"Jesus and I agreed to see other people. Don't mean we don't still talk from time to time." --Lafayette, True Blood, season 2.
Funeral was yesterday. I got through it. No, actually, I more than got through it. I was happy with how it all turned out; I think it was the funeral my dad would have wanted. Do you know that if you are a veteran--I don't think you even need to be a war veteran, though my dad was--the Department of the Navy (or whatever) will send out two sailors (or, again, whatever) to the graveside part of the service where they will play Taps, salute, fold up the flag ceremoniously, and present it to the survivor? I had managed to hold it together through the whole funeral until the (girl) sailor did the (paraphrased) "Ma'am, on behalf of the Department of the Navy, and (maybe the President?), we would like to present you with this flag in honor of your father's service to his country," at which point I started crying behind my sunglasses, 'cause it was so fucking beautiful. Anyway, if you are entitled to it or you are planning a funeral for someone who is entitled to it, go for it. It's pretty nice.
When the obituary came out earlier in the week, it was passed on to me that one of my surviving uncles was shocked! that I got everything in it right, which pissed me the hell off--you know how I get--but which seemed just about right, 'cause I realize my extended family in general consider me a crazy weirdo***. However, at the after-party (ha! it's actually called a "collation", which, who knew?), I had a bunch of people come up to me and compliment the obituary as being exceedingly good, so I realize that the remark passed on to me wasn't originally meant as a slam. And even more people complimented my semi-non-traditional eulogy. Which, I'm glad people liked it, but it was really for me, and for D, and for my dad. I wanted to honor the real person he was and show the specifics of why we loved him and why we will miss him, not platitudes and generalities. I can almost guarantee you there's never been another eulogy in that church that referenced A.J. Pierzynski or vivid dreams about drinking draft beer. So, yeah. Think it went well.
Special thanks to The Benevolent L, Mr Barma, and Mr Indemnity, my bestest friends in the world, for being there with me, and special special thanks to the Benevolent L for all the practical and emotional support in the days leading up to yesterday. Thanks to everyone else who sent messages of love and comfort. I was shocked to see M1 in the church, such that I had to stop and hug the shit out of her on the way out, and M2 forwarded the news throughout our massage-friends grapevine, such that I got lovely surprise condolence messages from people I did even know knew about it. I've said it before and I'll say it again--when something bad happens, the upside is that you are reminded once again how kind and good most people are. All other evidence to the contrary.
I promise to return to regular blog content soon. I am sure if I spend enough time on the interwebs today, I can find something to get worked up about!
xoxo
***not that they would be wrong, they just think it's a bad thing, yo
5 comments:
The Navy will also give you a rock: so, not an actual retail headstone, but something that makes sure we don't bury any more veterans than we can help in unmarked graves. I'd feel like a cheat suggesting it for myself, considering the love and affection I have for the USN (not!)
I saw the obit. I thought it would be exceedingly cheek of a cyber acquaintance to barge into such a private moment. This independent editor says it was very good and (much as I can tell) very complete.
Here's to getting on with living. After burying a lot of people, I think that's the best thing we can do for them.
(hugs)
First of all: you found the obit! Cool! I lurve the internet.
Secondly, I think you ought to get the marker, flag, and ceremony *especially* if the Navy fucked you over. They owe you!
Hugs
Obits are such funny things. When my sister died, for whatever reason, her ex husband (who turned out to not really be her ex, because they never got divorced-long story) and his family were in charge of the arrangements.
They wrote her obit and left out my family- her adopted family- entirely. I was hurt, very angry, but mostly hurt, and I immediately got on the phone with my niece and rewrote it and sent it to the paper, who printed a revised one a few days later.
Funerals can be very uniting and healing, my grandmothers funeral in May was that, suprisingly with all my family's dysfunction (we put the *dys* in dysfunction) everyone got along well and spoke about her after the visitation, she had touched many peoples lives in ways I had not known.
Hugs to you and D.
Ms Crispix, I remember you writing about that when it happened with your sister, and how hurtful it was for you :-( [And as far as her ex not really being her ex--I'm not one to talk 'cause S and I didn't finalize our divorce for years after we separated, even though there was no chance we were getting back together :-)]
Today's surprise was a card in the mail from the neighbors who occasionally shovel off the mailbox :-) The (now-adult) sons have at times done nice things--come over and helped me bag my raked leaves when they saw me doing it, plowed my front one time when I was having trouble w/ the snowblower--but the parents have *never* been friendly and have occasionally been kinda assholish, so I certainly wasn't expecting that.
One can find anything Lynnish on the Item online, especially obits.
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