CNN keeps referring to the Penn State business as a "sex scandal." No. A married politician cheating on his or her spouse is a sex scandal. A public figure's embarrassing sex tape being leaked is a sex scandal. A celebrity being arrested for visiting prostitutes is a sex scandal. Little boys being fondled and/or sodomized by a grown man in a locker room shower is not a sex scandal. It is a child abuse scandal. Rape =/= sex. Sorry, CNN, you morons, you.
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In kinder, gentler, much more happy news, I think I forgot to tell you all, but guess who stopped by our offices last week? Our Lil MILF! She is alive, well, still working for the Commonwealth approving people for subsidized housing, still working on her degree, and still without a man. And full of hilarious anecdotes as usual. Miss her! I hugged the crap out of her before remembering she doesn't like to be hugged. Heh. She was hugging back though. I think working here, we desensitized her to the whole not liking to be touched business.
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And can you stand one more (okay, maybe two more) stories about the online dating fiasco?
1.) So, last week, I added some stuff to my profile. An additional answer to the question "I spend a lot of time thinking about..." was how snoozeworthy all the profiles on here are; try harder, muthafuckas. And we wonder why I don't have me a man. I'm sitting home alone polishing my Miss Congeniality trophy every night. No, seriously though, if you're not gonna love me for me, I don't want you, muthafucka. But I was noticing that since I added that I hadn't gotten any mail from any new people who I hadn't already corresponded with. Which made me conclude that the men of OKC are either humorless, easily intimidated, or offended by comic profanity. Or all three! But then I got mail yesterday from this dude who said, "I *am* trying harder, muthafucka!" and "I think I may be in love", wink wink. Apparently he likes cranky chicks. He invited me to peruse his profile and write back if I thought we might click. Well. First of all he lives 72 miles away in East Bumfuck, NH. Secondly, whilst living in East Bumfuck, NH, he is "mostly off the grid", likes week-long wilderness trips, and thinks everyone ought to own a gun. But he also believes in most of the liberal blue state hooha I do, like gay marriage and abortion rights blah blah. So, I ask you: scary Libertarian survivalist or no? And I probably shouldn't respond to say thanx but no thanx, right?
2.) So the other thing that happened while I was on last night checking out possibly scary Libertarian survivalist profiles was that I got on the side of my screen a "you might like..." of a gentleman whose compatibility with me was apparently so low that on the profile tab where you can see how they answered their multiple choice questions and compare with your own answers, a tab which usually says something like "about you two", it instead said "y'all got problems." I think I laughed for five minutes when I noticed that. I should probably go on a date with someone who the computer says is 40% my enemy just so I can report on the conversation to you all. Maybe including cell phone footage of me throwing my glass of wine in his face or something! Good times.
Okay, that's all for now! Happy Thursday that's really like a Friday...muthafuckas.
xoxo
2 comments:
Stop by for my two cents on Penn State.
Seems like every other time I drop in, I get one more reason to stay the fuck away from OKC. I wonder if that's the problem there? Too much chaff, not enough wheat. Or, one might say, too many half-wheats.
Your two cents are cleverly titled! I gotta step up my title game. They've been pathetic lately.
But, seriously...scary Libertarian survivalist, right? I'm not misreading the signals, am I? hahaha
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