disturbing developments

I'm not going to even touch the disturbing developments in the world or the country, though there are plenty o' them. No, let's just keep this to smaller, more personal disturbing elements. Believe me, there are enough of those to fill a blog post.

1.) How bad does your team have to be for a pinch runner to make a fatal base running mistake? Think about it. You make the decision--a really bad decision--to put someone in to do one very specific task and they not only fail, they FAIL. That, my friends, is a sign. A bad bad sign. Want to start a pool on when Tito loses his job?

2.) I don't know if I have mentioned it, but I am watching American Idol with D this year. Some years I pay attention to it and others I do not and this is a pay-attention year. So, for those of you who are blissfully ignorant about how it works, at this point in the competition, the show is on two nights a week. One show is the performances and the second is the results, on which someone is kicked off. To fill out the results show--which, frankly, could actually last all of three minutes, because really Ryan Seacrest just needs to tell someone, "hey, you got the least votes, see ya, bye"--they have musical guests performing. By which I mean to say, they have people who are pimping their new releases and/or Idol alumni performing. In the results shows I have seen this season, these "guests" have been uniformly bad, almost to the point of painful. We got P Diddy or what-the-fuck-ever he calls himself these days. We got The Black Eyed Peas doing some new single which would make you change the radio station should it come on. We got the guy who won last year; we got Fantasia. A cavalcade of boring-to-awful performances.

So when my son asked me last night was I planning on watching, I said no. Y'know, just tell me later who got kicked off (hopefully Stefano, 'cause that boy's gotta go). Then I went about my evening business, doing other shit. Well, I happened to come downstairs while the show was in progress to switch my laundry over and make tea, and while I was sitting in the kitchen waiting for my water to heat, I hear them announce the next musical guest. In honor of Rock & Roll Hall of Fame week on Idol, they have special guest...Iggy Pop. Holy fuck. An actual musician? I go into the living room to watch. And the disconnect is powerful. Iggy Pop? On Idol? I suppose I would have an even more visceral reaction to this sellout if "Lust for Life" (a song about doing heroin, yo) wasn't already indelibly linked in my mind with Carnival Cruises. Sigh. Punk is dead, right?

3.) And, finally, did you hear it's going to be in the 70s--possibly 80!--by Monday? That is not so much disturbing as it is delightful, but it does cause me a certain problem. If I want to celebrate this fact by, I dunno, wearing a skirt to work on Monday sans tights and boots--and keep in mind I have only lately put skirts with tights and boots back into the rotation, because from late December to March the chances of me dressing like a girl are very very small--I will need to do something about my legs. Like (again I dunno), shave them? Put on some self-tanner and hope it doesn't streak? This whole change of seasons thing is work, lemme tell you.

So you all have a lovely Friday, Adventurers. Try to keep our own disturbing developments to the bare minimum.

xoxo

guess what???

ET cash-in and health care reimbursement together in today's check as predicted. Woohoo! I think I'll go right home and write my check to the city, like, immediately. But first I'm going to pretend to myself that I make that kinda money every week and daydream about what I'd do with it. Other people have sexual fantasies, I have this. Don't judge.

In other news, I am so hungry, I do not know what's wrong with me. I've had 1200 calories already today and, to be honest with you, I don't think I'm finished with lunch yet. Heh. I think this possibly means my metabolism has cranked up again and that I should keep feeding it. Or I have a tapeworm. One of the two. I was over at the cafeteria buying a drink (a drink only, because I brought my lunch) and other people's lunches looked and smelled so good, I wanted to, y'know, grab stuff off their trays. So consider this fair warning: if you eat with me any time soon, keep your fork ready to stab my hand or I *will* eat off your plate.

And this time, I'm sorry, I can't resist: How about those Red Sox? Oh, you have to laugh. What else can you do? D said, "If this keeps up, I'm going to lose interest real quick this year." I countered with the (maybe untrue) fact that the Sox had a miserable April in 2004, and that this is just a lead up to us going all the way, baby. But no one believes me when I tell them that. Sigh.

And, okay, I can't resist again: Ubaldo is on the DL *with a hangnail.* Okay, okay, not exactly a hangnail, I exaggerate, but cannot we fly Angela my magic nail lady out to Colorado to fix his cuticle right up? If you could only see the job she did with my toenail crisis, you would have faith.

And finally, another sign of spring. Salem cops on Highland Ave with radar guns. You know in cold weather, they stick to their cruisers and Dunkin' Donuts, so this is more promising than crocuses. (Crocusi?)

xoxo

then i stopped myself

I was gonna talk to you about Ubaldo, Felix, and boots today. But honestly, you don't give a shit. I also promise not to mention how it's all resting on (cringe) Dice-K or any more of my feelings about foreign policy or what Liz said at the gym today. I am therefore running out of topics. Apparently I need a new life.

Instead I'll just fufill my blogging obligations by giving you lolcats.



That will have to do until I become less boring. Cheers, thanks a lot.

xoxo

some updates and then something new

Don't you all love when I give you updates about shite you didn't care about to begin with? I mean, seriously. It's like self-absorption taken to a whole other level! Full service blog right here.

So, first update. Do you want to know how long it has been since I bought shoes? I haven't bought shoes in so long that in this morning's email I got a nice missive from Piperlime saying, "We've missed you! and here's a code $15 off $75, so please buy something." Well, okay, they didn't literally say "please buy something" but, god, some poor warehouse worker with five children and an elderly dog to support is probably about to be laid off because of me and my responsible fiscal behavior.

Second update. Here's an example of the depths of crazeeness that fantasy baseball is capable of driving one to when one is firmly entrenched in "not horrible!" the first week of the season. And, y'know, "one" is me. Shut up. I was online-following the last few innings of the Texas/Seattle game last night, and at one point when my boy Napoli was up, I was trying to figure out mathematically (don't you effin' say anything, Mr Indemnity) whether it would be better for me for him to get a couple RBIs, since I am just one RBI behind the league leader, OR whether it would be better for him *not* to, so Texas wouldn't get too far ahead and therefore when Neftali came in, it would finally get me an actual save from all his stellar pitching. The depths of geekery I have descended to make even me shake my head.

Third update. I ordered D's birthday present.

And now for something new, and completely unrelated. You know I hardly ever say anything about political or social issues in here, other than when I make fun of Scott Brown, whom I completely irrationally dislike, or when there's some kind of wingnut anti-women law being passed, or trying to be passed, somewhere. But I am going to break with that tradition and probably alienate most of you. Here goes.

It really really really pissed me off when General Whatshisface (I'm sorry, I can't spell it and my almost fatal Too Lazy to Google It Syndrome is acting up) apologized to Afghanistan for that fruitloop burning the Koran. Since when do governments apologize to other governments publicly for the actions of private citizens that they have no control over? Is there a precedent for this? That's point number one. Point number two--has the government of Afghanistan or any other Muslim state ever apologized to us for their imams calling *us* all infidels or putting out fatwahs on private Western citizens for not following an Islamic belief? Because that's just as religiously offensive as burning a Koran. Answer: I do not think so.

It really infuriates me that we ass-kiss and placate these people who are going to fucking hate Americans no matter *what* we do, as if we are afraid of them. It looks weak. It is weak. Knock it off.

Alright. I am done. Catch you later, bitches.

xoxo

P.S. Yes, I do realize one's credibility when speaking about world issues is somewhat undermined when one calls people General Whatshisface. Deal.

baseball weekend

Much like Vampire Weekend but less musical!

So, how about those Red Sox? Didn't they look like they're poised to go all the way? (Jesus wept.) I am sure they will productively use their day off traveling to Cleveland to figure out why their crack staff of pitchers suck so very very much. Can I tell you how their absolute suckitude affected me personally? Besides making me yell at the TV, that is? The Rangers kept putting Neftali in in non-save situations. If the Sox had only kept those games a little bit closer as they were losing them, that would have been two saves for me. God. Why does no one ever think about *me*?

Yeah, so let's transition to my fantasy team, shall we? It's early days yet, but I'm in 7th place out of 13 teams--right up there in "mediocre" like I swore I would be. Surprisingly, it is *my* crack pitching staff that has failed me so far, though explain this: I'm second in the league in WHIP but last in ERA. Other than Delmon Young and Adam LaRoche who are having slow starts, the rest of my losers are getting on base and scoring or driving in runs. I'm sure that will come to a screeching halt at some point, but hopefully my pitchers will have remembered how to strike people out by then and it will all balance out. That's the plan.

We do have this new rule/category this year that is pissing me off. If your guy gets caught stealing you get a negative stolen base!!!! If Mr Jose Tabata picked his spot better yesterday, I'd now have 3 stolen bases instead of 1. Grr. He went 3 for 5 though, so we won't be too mad at him. Plus, he's got a cool last name. It makes me want to go run intervals til I puke. Heh.

Okay. I'm just waiting for lunch to be delivered, so blame all this nonsense on low blood sugar.

bulking

Are we seeing any changes yet? (Forgive the one bodypart at a time deal. That's what happens when you have to do it yurself. Also, you have no one to tell you to tuck in your underwear tags. Sigh.)

xoxo

instead of my usual whining and/or panic

Money, money, money.

I would like to share with you some good financial news. God, it might even be so good I can buy myself a dress. Probably not though.

1.) I got my electric bill for March yesterday and it was 2/3rd less than my February bill and 3/4th less than my January bill. Just let that sink in for a minute. While this bill is not what one might call "small", I paid 3x as much in January. And yet did not bottom out my checking account. That's good budgeting, Andrea. If I do say so myself.

2.) After massive mucking about, my ultimate overlords, Partners Healthcare, who did not tell me that the supporting proof for my FSA claim did NOT come through their FAX until approximately a month after I had submitted it, finally approved my reimbursement for my glasses. So I will get my $300 back, probably in next week's check.

3.) Concurrent with that, it's ET cash-in time again, so those Partners Healthcare bastids can pay me an extra two weeks pay that I did not take in vacation because a) I got no place to go and b) no money to go there. Of course when one gets three weeks worth of pay in one check, the amount of money the feds take makes one wince. But someone has got to support what-thefuck-ever we're doing in Libya and it might as well be me. And it will still be a nice check. (Since the fruit of my loins has his birthday coming up this month, I am thinking of buying him a little netbook. Shh, don't tell.)

xoxo

P.S. It occurs to me that Partners Healthcare probably has some lackey whose job is to google all mentions of them, and thus my ultimate overlords will put me on some kind of watchlist for taking their name in vain. Oops. How many "Andrea"s do you think they employ? Maybe I ought to go remove my indentifying-tattoo photos. ahahahaha

And an addendum: so I wrote this post at 3:30-something Friday and at 4:50-something I got home, opened my mailbox, and found my quarterly tax bill for the house. Oh, yeah, it's that time again! No dress for me! ahahaha