So I am sure you've heard the big news by now. Believe me, it was big news at my house. The very first thing D said to me last night when I came home (after "hi") was, "Manny retired!" Then I checked my mail and, in an email about something else entirely, Mr Indemnity's first sentence was nevertheless about Manny. Obviously, everyone knew this would be a topic near and dear to my heart.
I cannot say I disagree with his decision. Man-well did not actually want to play baseball when he was, y'know, paying baseball. He's obviously a person who does not need to wake up every morning and go to his job in order to feel good about himself or fulfilled in life. Believe me, I can relate. If I never had to work again, I could find *plenty* of other things to keep me amused. And, please, he's got plenty o' money. What's a few more millions to him? It's probably all theoretical to him, just a bunch of numbers on a page--much like my 401k is to me!
So, yeah. Contrast this to Pedro Martinez, who I have heard is rumored to still want to pitch. Pedro, Pedro, Pedro. Can you not be happy down in the Dominican, counting your piles of money? Damn, you could swim through it, Scrooge McDuck-style. We need to get the man a hobby. Maybe he should take up golf. Or knitting. Decoupage. Something. Anything. It is not 1999 anymore, Pedro. Let us just remember you when you were absolutely unhittable.
But, back to Manny. I would like to remember him in all his dreads-wearing, fan-high-fiving, scoreboard-peeing, water-bottle-in-the-outfield glory. If you no longer wish to delight me with your ridiculous antics, Manuel Aristides, you go ahead and retire. Take Pedro golfing, would ya?
xoxo
Showing posts with label irony alert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irony alert. Show all posts
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Friday, June 18, 2010
if it's friday, it must be random
1.) First of all, lemme just tell you or remind you that Ubaldo won another game yesterday. I am hoping the rotation works out such that he will pitch against the Sox when they are in Colorado next week, but I haven't stopped and figured it out yet. It has been suggested to me that I price plane tickets to Denver, but alas, I have neither the budget nor the lifestyle to consider such things. More's the pity. Also, I need to register a complaint. When Ubaldo was 12-1, I read some list of pitchers who had started out their seasons thusly. The one that stuck in my mind was Roger Clemens 1986 (and as Mr Barma said to me, "And look how that turned out." Ha!) Then when Ubaldo won number trece yesterday, I read that Roger Clemens started the 1986 season 14-0. Both of these facts cannot be correct, and one would think online sports news sources would have better fact-checking. Boo! I wish I knew off the top of my head, but at the beginning of the 1986 Sox season I had a newborn baby and was getting approximately three hours sleep a night. That fucks with one's ability to form long term memories. (Except I know Chernobyl was in the spring of '86 because I was home on maternity leave following it. Did Roger Clemens's stellar pitching help those poor Ukrainians? NO.)
2.) What else happened in the spring of 1986? Celtics won an NBA championship. Unlike last night. And that's all I have to say about that, except to note that it will have made both my son and Our Lil MILF very sad. Which, y'know, I think is a good thing overall. These kids these days have become too used to the Pats and the Sox and even the Celtics winning stuff like playoff games and championships. They need to learn the heartbreak of a crushing loss like we Boston sports fans of old. It's character-building!
3.) I read an article yesterday about "disposable clothing" and the environmental and social impact of that, the moral being buy less and if you do buy, buy this fairly expensive and pretty damn ugly clothing made by these few designers who are actually "green" and socially responsible. Can I just say, I am sick of feeling guilty about everything I do. Every action that we do has far-reaching consequences, and thinking that if I do x which is a good thing without considering that also means y which negatively impacts something else is stoopid. Like, yeah, I've bought some of my new work clothes from the Gap recently. Yes, they were probably made in sweatshops. Yes, the textile factories that produced the cotton they are made of use lots of energy and pollute the water. If I and people like me didn't buy them, however, probably those sweatshops slaves would lose their jobs and a crappy, crappy abusive job is preferable to STARVING. Plus the college kids who sell me those Gap clothes would lose their jobs, and where would their beer money come from then? And if the college kids don't have beer money, the local drinking establishments tank, which means more job loss. And if there are no bars and clubs, where do the up-and-coming musicians play? Do I want to be responsible for the death of live music because I didn't buy a cheap cardigan to cover up my cleavage? I mean, hopefully I don't need to give you all an irony alert tag, but you see my point. The economic, social, and environmental impact of everything we do is so complex, it's impossible to do some mythical "right thing." Also, let me say this: yes, I wouldn't have to have bought all these new work clothes if the ones I bought 3 years ago hadn't fallen apart, but I cannot help that either. I didn't save all my well-made clothes from 1980 which didn't fall apart when you washed them 20 times and my workplace probably frowns on me showing up in garments with visible holes in them. It's not in the dress code but I think it is implied. (Side point: in the comments on this article, a bunch of women suggested the green answer to all this is buying vintage. I can only assume they are all college students, because as much as I love vintage, you cannot wear it to a regular job. Vintage looks vintage. Okay, if you're a hairdresser or a record store clerk or that extremely adorable waitress at the Gulu that I have a girl crush on, but most professional people can't dress like that at work. Real life slaps your idealism upside the head once again.)
4.) Remember how I bitched in here about that Tom Myers fascia film commentary/lecture that cost $50 to attend? Well, I saw M2 this week and while she did not attend either, some other friends of ours did. One of them left her a message about it afterwards, which I will paraphrase. "He said everything we know and everything that he was about to tell us is wrong or will be wrong in five years, which made me wonder why I was sitting there listening to it." Ha! Glad I saved my fifty bucks.
5.) Read "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubes. Then report back. (Maybe the science in that will all be proven wrong in another ten years, but for now it's pretty compelling.)
6.) Have a great weekend. It's gonna be hot, hot, hot. I would like to go to the beach, but I cannot eat potato chips. How can I reconcile those two things?
xoxo
2.) What else happened in the spring of 1986? Celtics won an NBA championship. Unlike last night. And that's all I have to say about that, except to note that it will have made both my son and Our Lil MILF very sad. Which, y'know, I think is a good thing overall. These kids these days have become too used to the Pats and the Sox and even the Celtics winning stuff like playoff games and championships. They need to learn the heartbreak of a crushing loss like we Boston sports fans of old. It's character-building!
3.) I read an article yesterday about "disposable clothing" and the environmental and social impact of that, the moral being buy less and if you do buy, buy this fairly expensive and pretty damn ugly clothing made by these few designers who are actually "green" and socially responsible. Can I just say, I am sick of feeling guilty about everything I do. Every action that we do has far-reaching consequences, and thinking that if I do x which is a good thing without considering that also means y which negatively impacts something else is stoopid. Like, yeah, I've bought some of my new work clothes from the Gap recently. Yes, they were probably made in sweatshops. Yes, the textile factories that produced the cotton they are made of use lots of energy and pollute the water. If I and people like me didn't buy them, however, probably those sweatshops slaves would lose their jobs and a crappy, crappy abusive job is preferable to STARVING. Plus the college kids who sell me those Gap clothes would lose their jobs, and where would their beer money come from then? And if the college kids don't have beer money, the local drinking establishments tank, which means more job loss. And if there are no bars and clubs, where do the up-and-coming musicians play? Do I want to be responsible for the death of live music because I didn't buy a cheap cardigan to cover up my cleavage? I mean, hopefully I don't need to give you all an irony alert tag, but you see my point. The economic, social, and environmental impact of everything we do is so complex, it's impossible to do some mythical "right thing." Also, let me say this: yes, I wouldn't have to have bought all these new work clothes if the ones I bought 3 years ago hadn't fallen apart, but I cannot help that either. I didn't save all my well-made clothes from 1980 which didn't fall apart when you washed them 20 times and my workplace probably frowns on me showing up in garments with visible holes in them. It's not in the dress code but I think it is implied. (Side point: in the comments on this article, a bunch of women suggested the green answer to all this is buying vintage. I can only assume they are all college students, because as much as I love vintage, you cannot wear it to a regular job. Vintage looks vintage. Okay, if you're a hairdresser or a record store clerk or that extremely adorable waitress at the Gulu that I have a girl crush on, but most professional people can't dress like that at work. Real life slaps your idealism upside the head once again.)
4.) Remember how I bitched in here about that Tom Myers fascia film commentary/lecture that cost $50 to attend? Well, I saw M2 this week and while she did not attend either, some other friends of ours did. One of them left her a message about it afterwards, which I will paraphrase. "He said everything we know and everything that he was about to tell us is wrong or will be wrong in five years, which made me wonder why I was sitting there listening to it." Ha! Glad I saved my fifty bucks.
5.) Read "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubes. Then report back. (Maybe the science in that will all be proven wrong in another ten years, but for now it's pretty compelling.)
6.) Have a great weekend. It's gonna be hot, hot, hot. I would like to go to the beach, but I cannot eat potato chips. How can I reconcile those two things?
xoxo
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
more c'mon now
According to the news, the Archdiocese of Boston is gonna protect all the faithful from the flu. Or at least from catching the flu while on, y'know, Church property.
The holy water fonts are going to be drained, disinfected, and refilled with fresh holy water. The sign of peace will be observed with a polite head bob/bow, no clasping hands or hugging. And when passing out communion, priests are to be extra careful not to accidentally touch the parishioners' faces or hands.
Of course I had to purposely annoy my father about this. "Wait. Isn't the baby Jesus supposed to protect you from germs in the holy water? It's *holy* water." Well, supposedly it is. This is why I personally don't go to church anymore. If they can't guarantee me that my attendance will get the baby Jesus on my side enough to protect me from a few microbes, I don't see the point. Weakass religion. In the old days, sacrificing a sheep to Zeus practically came with a money-back guarantee.
xoxo
The holy water fonts are going to be drained, disinfected, and refilled with fresh holy water. The sign of peace will be observed with a polite head bob/bow, no clasping hands or hugging. And when passing out communion, priests are to be extra careful not to accidentally touch the parishioners' faces or hands.
Of course I had to purposely annoy my father about this. "Wait. Isn't the baby Jesus supposed to protect you from germs in the holy water? It's *holy* water." Well, supposedly it is. This is why I personally don't go to church anymore. If they can't guarantee me that my attendance will get the baby Jesus on my side enough to protect me from a few microbes, I don't see the point. Weakass religion. In the old days, sacrificing a sheep to Zeus practically came with a money-back guarantee.
xoxo
Friday, September 4, 2009
and in another shocking travesty
Apparently President Obama is going to address the nation's schoolchildren with a back-to-school speech, advising them to stay in school and work hard. Obviously this is some kind of left-wink pinko socialist plot to gain control of the minds of America's youth. If I had any school-aged children, I'd make them stay home that day.
(No, really, I'm not making this shit up. This is what conservative talk radio is saying and now parents are boycotting. You really can't go wrong in assuming the stupidity and personality disorders of the American public. And it kills me, but most of them probably have much nicer houses than mine. With hoods that vent to the outside and everything. Gah. Which, of course, goes to prove Mr Obama is mistaken; working hard and staying in school generally gets you shit. That doesn't however mean you shouldn't listen to your president's address.)
xoxo
(No, really, I'm not making this shit up. This is what conservative talk radio is saying and now parents are boycotting. You really can't go wrong in assuming the stupidity and personality disorders of the American public. And it kills me, but most of them probably have much nicer houses than mine. With hoods that vent to the outside and everything. Gah. Which, of course, goes to prove Mr Obama is mistaken; working hard and staying in school generally gets you shit. That doesn't however mean you shouldn't listen to your president's address.)
xoxo
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
competitive sport
So I don't know if you've been hearing this in the news or not, but apparently in our crappy tanking economy, the hospitality industry is happy that Valentines Day falls on a weekend this year, 'cause they're sure this means everybody is going out to dinner Saturday night, and all those expensive restaurants could use a good weekend. Well, if this is in fact true, god bless 'em and I'm happy for them. But can we just pause to consider the *other* wonderful benefit of having Valentines Day on a Saturday?
Now those of you who have never worked in an office or similar environment, particularly a predominantly female one, will not know of which I speak, and those of you who have are probably already nodding in recognition. I give you: Valentines Day as a competitive sport! That is, whose husband/boyfriend/guy who's trying hard to get in her pants "loves" her enough to have flowers sent to her office. Because nothing proves your love better than letting your woman flaunt her superiority over the other bitches she works with, yo! Even if the women you work with aren't *actually* bitches--and I have been very lucky in this regard myself--the ability to quietly gloat over the two dozen overpriced roses at your workstation is without price. So to speak.
Alas, I myself am such a pathetic loser that even when I was married or otherwise in a serious committed monogamous relationship, I have never been with a guy who would think to do such a thing. Therefore I am just as happy to see this holiday fall on a weekend and not have even the possibility of the whole He Loves Me Olympiad occurring in my department. (If your SO sends you flowers to work the day before the actual holiday, it's obvious you're just showing off, so you get points deducted.) Yeah, I know, my entire male readership is now shaking their collective heads and muttering, "Chicks, man. They're so fucking weird." Just consider this a public service announcement about the intricacies of female social groups or something and thank me later! Those jewelry store ads pressuring you to buy ugly, ugly diamond crap if you wanna get laid are just lying to you all.
Oh, and so, what have your past loves given you for this "romantic" holiday, Andrea? you ask. Memorably, in college, my future ex-husband gave me a used TV because my roommates and I didn't have, and couldn't afford, one, on the same Valentines Day that I gave him five pounds of gourmet cashews. One of the roommates who benefited from this gift remarked that there was an inequality in the level of our gifts, but really? It was a second-hand TV and he was working full time, while I was a starving student living on air-popped popcorn, and cashews were expensive. I call it even to this day. I should also mention that *this very week* one of my exes (not the one I was married to, because he doesn't get to know my e-mail address for one thing) sent me a "happy valentines day" with an attached porn clip for old times' sake. Ha! Sadly, I could not open the file.
xoxo
Now those of you who have never worked in an office or similar environment, particularly a predominantly female one, will not know of which I speak, and those of you who have are probably already nodding in recognition. I give you: Valentines Day as a competitive sport! That is, whose husband/boyfriend/guy who's trying hard to get in her pants "loves" her enough to have flowers sent to her office. Because nothing proves your love better than letting your woman flaunt her superiority over the other bitches she works with, yo! Even if the women you work with aren't *actually* bitches--and I have been very lucky in this regard myself--the ability to quietly gloat over the two dozen overpriced roses at your workstation is without price. So to speak.
Alas, I myself am such a pathetic loser that even when I was married or otherwise in a serious committed monogamous relationship, I have never been with a guy who would think to do such a thing. Therefore I am just as happy to see this holiday fall on a weekend and not have even the possibility of the whole He Loves Me Olympiad occurring in my department. (If your SO sends you flowers to work the day before the actual holiday, it's obvious you're just showing off, so you get points deducted.) Yeah, I know, my entire male readership is now shaking their collective heads and muttering, "Chicks, man. They're so fucking weird." Just consider this a public service announcement about the intricacies of female social groups or something and thank me later! Those jewelry store ads pressuring you to buy ugly, ugly diamond crap if you wanna get laid are just lying to you all.
Oh, and so, what have your past loves given you for this "romantic" holiday, Andrea? you ask. Memorably, in college, my future ex-husband gave me a used TV because my roommates and I didn't have, and couldn't afford, one, on the same Valentines Day that I gave him five pounds of gourmet cashews. One of the roommates who benefited from this gift remarked that there was an inequality in the level of our gifts, but really? It was a second-hand TV and he was working full time, while I was a starving student living on air-popped popcorn, and cashews were expensive. I call it even to this day. I should also mention that *this very week* one of my exes (not the one I was married to, because he doesn't get to know my e-mail address for one thing) sent me a "happy valentines day" with an attached porn clip for old times' sake. Ha! Sadly, I could not open the file.
xoxo
Sunday, August 10, 2008
how do we know?
I was all set to make fun of the Sunday Globe article about how supposedly one of McCain's web ads suggests Obama is the Antichrist, and how certain people are taking that idea seriously. And selling t-shirts.
But then I thought, well, yeah, but how do we know? He could be. I mean, other than that his name's not Damian. Think about it.
xoxo
But then I thought, well, yeah, but how do we know? He could be. I mean, other than that his name's not Damian. Think about it.
xoxo
Friday, February 22, 2008
oh, Valerie
Well, I see in today's celeb news that Valerie admits in her new tell-all autobiography (and I guess in an Oprah interview) that she cheated on Eddie. And Eddie cheated on her, but she apparently cheated first.
I dunno. Does this mean I need to shun her as an adulteress, and not invite her to poker with Drew? Or maybe I should invite her, but then stone her instead of feeding her low-fat Jenny Craig-approved hors d'oeuvres. That'd fix her!
(Perhaps this post calls for a brand new tag. Not that I underestimate y'all.)
xoxo
I dunno. Does this mean I need to shun her as an adulteress, and not invite her to poker with Drew? Or maybe I should invite her, but then stone her instead of feeding her low-fat Jenny Craig-approved hors d'oeuvres. That'd fix her!
(Perhaps this post calls for a brand new tag. Not that I underestimate y'all.)
xoxo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)