But today there will just be more miscellaneous crap.
1.) I hear the Sox won today while I was occupied elsewhere, thus making all right with the world. Also, I'm informed that Tek hit a home run. I'm sticking by my contention that the reason his hitting sucked so very, very much last year was that the boy's head was all messed up by the dissolution of his marriage. Divorce is stressful, yo!
2.) There is right now, even as I type, a device called a "press ball" in the cartilage of my right ear, which can apparently stay there for a week (or till I get irritated with it) through hairwashing and showering and, I dunno, ear molestation or whatever may occur, and by which I can stimulate an acupuncture point that will calm me the fuck down if I start having an anxiety fit. I kinda think that ancient Chinese medicine might well be trumped by modern American pharmaceuticals in this case, but do I *have* a script for klonopins? No, I do not. Sigh. So we'll give this thing in my ear a shot.
3.) I bought a book today entitled I'm Sorry You Feel That Way (the astonishing but true story of a daughter, sister, slut, wife, mother, and friend to man and dog), and then I read 54 pages of it on the bus. I am so very convinced I have one of these books in me. But since certain of my friends are already somewhat uncomfortable when they appear *in this blog*, even though they are referred to only by pseudonym, catchy nickname, or initial, I'm pretty sure if I wrote an amusing yet poignant, smutty yet thoughtful, book about my marvelous adventures and got it published, no one would ever talk to me again and I would have to make all new friends and get another family. And then I'd be so sad I'd need weird Chinese shit in both my ears. Or something like that.
4.) I am also informed that Eminem's new video, in which he portrays both Bret Michaels circa "Rock of Love" and Sarah Palin (in bed together yet!), is on the interwebs now, so I think I'm gonna eat some chips and go watch it. <---yes, a person who writes a statement like that is going to get a book published, yup yup, uh huh. I think my friendships are safe.
xoxo
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
good night!
Yeah, apparently I can't shut up. Deal.
1.) I noticed that in my last post I said "in the bottom" of my playlist, when I guess what I actually mean is "later in" or "at the end of." Does anyone else have a weird mental spatial association like that? I know I do it often with tech things/the internet. Like, back in the mid-late 90s when I was first online, there were a couple of AOL message boards I hung out on, and because one of them was below the other in the menu, I always literally felt like I was going downstairs when I left one to go to the second. Stop looking at me like that. I'm sure it's perfectly normal. My playlists are like that. The end of one is the bottom to me, not the end, because in my brain it's organized by how it looks on the menu display.
2.) I was reading this woman this evening talking about how her son asked her to pick up deodorant for him when she went to the store, but it had to be a very specific brand and variety, and I cracked up, because she was saying that she was standing in the aisle looking at the 59 different men's antiperspirants and thinking, "Why do they need so many different flavors of deodorant, for god's sake?" I honestly think "flavor" is going to take on a new meaning, because I've been hearing people misuse it all the time as synonym for variety when speaking about things *you don't eat*. In fact, I couldn't swear that I haven't done so myself a time or two. Especially for things like Body Shop shower gel which comes in like mango and papaya and satsuma and coconut etc etc and smells like you could possibly eat it. But, sadly, mango or no, shower gel technically does not come in flavors. Anyway, have you noticed this too?
xoxo
1.) I noticed that in my last post I said "in the bottom" of my playlist, when I guess what I actually mean is "later in" or "at the end of." Does anyone else have a weird mental spatial association like that? I know I do it often with tech things/the internet. Like, back in the mid-late 90s when I was first online, there were a couple of AOL message boards I hung out on, and because one of them was below the other in the menu, I always literally felt like I was going downstairs when I left one to go to the second. Stop looking at me like that. I'm sure it's perfectly normal. My playlists are like that. The end of one is the bottom to me, not the end, because in my brain it's organized by how it looks on the menu display.
2.) I was reading this woman this evening talking about how her son asked her to pick up deodorant for him when she went to the store, but it had to be a very specific brand and variety, and I cracked up, because she was saying that she was standing in the aisle looking at the 59 different men's antiperspirants and thinking, "Why do they need so many different flavors of deodorant, for god's sake?" I honestly think "flavor" is going to take on a new meaning, because I've been hearing people misuse it all the time as synonym for variety when speaking about things *you don't eat*. In fact, I couldn't swear that I haven't done so myself a time or two. Especially for things like Body Shop shower gel which comes in like mango and papaya and satsuma and coconut etc etc and smells like you could possibly eat it. But, sadly, mango or no, shower gel technically does not come in flavors. Anyway, have you noticed this too?
xoxo
good evening!
1.) So, this whole weekend was a big cooking FAIL. I already told you about yesterday's salmon texture problem. Well, today I inadvertently had this piece of beef brisket (don't ask) that I would not have intentionally bought, but since I had it, and it had a sticker on it that said "pot roast", and I was planning to be home for a few hours doing my taxes, I thought, "Okay! Make pot roast!" As you do. I do not know what I did or failed to do, but that was one tough piece o' meat. Usually I would use, like, chuck for pot roast and it turns out all fatty and falling-apart tender and yummy. This, not so much. But the natives chowed it all down, so I guess I am the only one who was dissatisfied.
2.) But it was a very lovely day today, so after the cooking fail and the taxes win, I went for a nice walk down to the beach. And once again I wanted to run. However I had not planned ahead, and thus was not wearing my new sports bra, so running was a FAIL too. I lasted less than three minutes before my bra strap was falling off my shoulder and my boobs felt like they were about to break free in a horrific wardrobe malfunction. (How do I know it was less than three minutes? Because I was walking along thinking I wanna run. Should I run? Even though I'm not dressed for it? But I wanna... and then I got to "Breed" in the fast and aggressive bottom section of my workout 2 playlist, and it made my mind up for me. But I couldn't make it through the whole song without my underwear thwarting me.) So I returned to walking. This is what poor planning leads to. Learn from my mistakes.
xoxo
2.) But it was a very lovely day today, so after the cooking fail and the taxes win, I went for a nice walk down to the beach. And once again I wanted to run. However I had not planned ahead, and thus was not wearing my new sports bra, so running was a FAIL too. I lasted less than three minutes before my bra strap was falling off my shoulder and my boobs felt like they were about to break free in a horrific wardrobe malfunction. (How do I know it was less than three minutes? Because I was walking along thinking I wanna run. Should I run? Even though I'm not dressed for it? But I wanna... and then I got to "Breed" in the fast and aggressive bottom section of my workout 2 playlist, and it made my mind up for me. But I couldn't make it through the whole song without my underwear thwarting me.) So I returned to walking. This is what poor planning leads to. Learn from my mistakes.
xoxo
good morning!
1.) The "totally 80s" show on VH1Classic is sucking this morning. They are not playing the cheesy and enjoyable music of my youth, but instead, stuff I hated even the first time around. If they don't play me some Billy Idol or Billy Squier (see what I did there?) soon, I'ma gonna have to change the channel and my whole Sunday morning ritual will be crushed. Even the commercials aren't amusing this week. Feh!
2.) In case I didn't mention it, yesterday was Evil Kitty's birthday. So, last night for dinner, I decided to make these frozen Trader Joe's salmon "burgers" that have been in my freezer for probably too long, and honestly, they weren't so good. Very strong tasting salmon and a rubbery texture (though maybe the being-in-the-freezer-too-long had something to do with the texture problem?). Anyway, there was one left over, so Evil Kitty got it, which made me feel less guilty about not actually getting her anything for her bday. But I don't think she was too thrilled with it either. Unlike most of the other cats I have had, she's not big on "people" food.
3.) I've had this urge to do an "unpopular opinions" or "true confessions" blog post, where I admit things that I am reluctant to say in many venues and ask you all to do the same in comments, but I am willing to bet you all won't play along, so I haven't.
4.) We're only one day away from baseball, my Dice K's been apparently pitching great, Tek's been hitting homeruns, and Julie's on the DL, so! Happy!
xoxo
2.) In case I didn't mention it, yesterday was Evil Kitty's birthday. So, last night for dinner, I decided to make these frozen Trader Joe's salmon "burgers" that have been in my freezer for probably too long, and honestly, they weren't so good. Very strong tasting salmon and a rubbery texture (though maybe the being-in-the-freezer-too-long had something to do with the texture problem?). Anyway, there was one left over, so Evil Kitty got it, which made me feel less guilty about not actually getting her anything for her bday. But I don't think she was too thrilled with it either. Unlike most of the other cats I have had, she's not big on "people" food.
3.) I've had this urge to do an "unpopular opinions" or "true confessions" blog post, where I admit things that I am reluctant to say in many venues and ask you all to do the same in comments, but I am willing to bet you all won't play along, so I haven't.
4.) We're only one day away from baseball, my Dice K's been apparently pitching great, Tek's been hitting homeruns, and Julie's on the DL, so! Happy!
xoxo
Friday, April 3, 2009
drunk swiping
Apparently there's an article in the Wall Street Journal today about how (high-end) men's clothing stores are attempting to increase their business by serving alcohol to their browsing customers, so that they'll linger, which increases sales. Also, drinking lowers people's inhibitions. Or so I've heard. And not, of course, wimpy little glasses of wine, like a chick might get at an expensive hair salon, but, like, actual scotch. I bet you if I went to, say, Burberry (no "s"), they wouldn't be plying me with tumblers of scotch. Which proves that this is, sadly, still a man's world, and you all have all the privilege.
So I was thinking about this, and whether I have actually ever gone shopping buzzed, and I think the answer is no. I will say, I'm pretty sure the day I was wasted on the gummy bear martinis was the day I first saw my new purse, but I did *not* purchase it. So apparently I can feel safe in saying even if they did ply me with scotch, I would not be suckered into buying luxury goods I should not have and cannot afford.
Also? I think I forgot to tell you this, but I paid for our bar bill on gummy bear day with my ATM card and when I got my bank statement for February, they had charged it back, for no reason that I could tell. So not only did I have drinks with candy in them that day, I drank those drinks for free. That was an exemplary Sunday, I'll tell you what.
Hope your Friday is turning out exemplary too.
xoxo
So I was thinking about this, and whether I have actually ever gone shopping buzzed, and I think the answer is no. I will say, I'm pretty sure the day I was wasted on the gummy bear martinis was the day I first saw my new purse, but I did *not* purchase it. So apparently I can feel safe in saying even if they did ply me with scotch, I would not be suckered into buying luxury goods I should not have and cannot afford.
Also? I think I forgot to tell you this, but I paid for our bar bill on gummy bear day with my ATM card and when I got my bank statement for February, they had charged it back, for no reason that I could tell. So not only did I have drinks with candy in them that day, I drank those drinks for free. That was an exemplary Sunday, I'll tell you what.
Hope your Friday is turning out exemplary too.
xoxo
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
the good, the bad, the amusing
You pick which is which.
So, I like to think that this blog performs a valuable public service, that is, keeping it real for those of you all who live in zip codes in a higher socioeconomic bracket than mine and/or don't trouble yourselves with ever taking public transportation. In this spirit, I'd like to give you a wee glimpse into just how klassy the average prison bus rider is.
A young woman was sitting directly in front of me, giving me a prime view of the back of her head. (No! She did not have the name of either her boyfriend or any of her children inked onto her neck. But good guess.) Her hair was up in a huge, bright white plastic claw clip. She was also, to help you complete the picture, wearing big gold hoop earrings, the kind with a name or other writing in the center, the kind you get at Joe's House of Bling. (Okay, I made that up, but if I ever open a jewelry store that's what I'm calling it. You heard it here first.) Fair enough.
Then she turned her head slightly to the side to look out the window, giving me a different view. And there, on her bright white hairclip, was an even brighter orange price sticker (1.00). Reader, I almost lost my shit. I managed to contain my laughter not because laughing at someone's forgetting to remove a price tag is petty, low, and very bad karma (but, c'mon, it was bright orange on a white background; how does anyone who isn't high miss that?), but because in my experience? Women who wear that kind of earring aren't usually loathe to cut a bitch.
In other news, do you remember me swearing that I was never, ever going to buy anything but jeans from the Gap ever again? Well. This is what happens when I don't listen to my own better judgment. I bought 5 new t-shirt camis from them within the past six weeks, two white, two gray, one black, to wear beneath my cardigans and v-necks for the spring. Ten bucks each. They're nice. The right length. The right proportion of cotton to spandex. Not too-long straps. Comfy. I've been washing them on *delicate* and drying them on *low*. I've had them, I'll mention again, for six weeks or less. I did laundry last night. Both gray ones were in the load yesterday. Today? One has its stitching coming apart at the left seam. The other has a strap that came apart at the top. All the way. Such that I had to tie a knot in it to wear it today. I CAN'T TAKE IT. Since when do $10 pieces of underwear last five washes or fewer? On delicate? Underwear is not supposed to be disposable. No, no, no, no.
And, then, when I was just now cooking, my stove apparently blew a fuse for no apparent reason in the middle of my dinner preparations. For no apparent reason. I was freaking out that it was in fact my stove that broke, or that I wouldn't get it working before all my food was ruined. Neither was true. Thankfully. But I remain perplexed.
I think that's it.
xoxo
So, I like to think that this blog performs a valuable public service, that is, keeping it real for those of you all who live in zip codes in a higher socioeconomic bracket than mine and/or don't trouble yourselves with ever taking public transportation. In this spirit, I'd like to give you a wee glimpse into just how klassy the average prison bus rider is.
A young woman was sitting directly in front of me, giving me a prime view of the back of her head. (No! She did not have the name of either her boyfriend or any of her children inked onto her neck. But good guess.) Her hair was up in a huge, bright white plastic claw clip. She was also, to help you complete the picture, wearing big gold hoop earrings, the kind with a name or other writing in the center, the kind you get at Joe's House of Bling. (Okay, I made that up, but if I ever open a jewelry store that's what I'm calling it. You heard it here first.) Fair enough.
Then she turned her head slightly to the side to look out the window, giving me a different view. And there, on her bright white hairclip, was an even brighter orange price sticker (1.00). Reader, I almost lost my shit. I managed to contain my laughter not because laughing at someone's forgetting to remove a price tag is petty, low, and very bad karma (but, c'mon, it was bright orange on a white background; how does anyone who isn't high miss that?), but because in my experience? Women who wear that kind of earring aren't usually loathe to cut a bitch.
In other news, do you remember me swearing that I was never, ever going to buy anything but jeans from the Gap ever again? Well. This is what happens when I don't listen to my own better judgment. I bought 5 new t-shirt camis from them within the past six weeks, two white, two gray, one black, to wear beneath my cardigans and v-necks for the spring. Ten bucks each. They're nice. The right length. The right proportion of cotton to spandex. Not too-long straps. Comfy. I've been washing them on *delicate* and drying them on *low*. I've had them, I'll mention again, for six weeks or less. I did laundry last night. Both gray ones were in the load yesterday. Today? One has its stitching coming apart at the left seam. The other has a strap that came apart at the top. All the way. Such that I had to tie a knot in it to wear it today. I CAN'T TAKE IT. Since when do $10 pieces of underwear last five washes or fewer? On delicate? Underwear is not supposed to be disposable. No, no, no, no.
And, then, when I was just now cooking, my stove apparently blew a fuse for no apparent reason in the middle of my dinner preparations. For no apparent reason. I was freaking out that it was in fact my stove that broke, or that I wouldn't get it working before all my food was ruined. Neither was true. Thankfully. But I remain perplexed.
I think that's it.
xoxo
and one more for ewan mcgregor's bday
Renton: It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the fucking earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate the English; I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete assholes. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy, and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!
Andrea: Trainspotting? One of the best movies ever made? True!
xoxo
Andrea: Trainspotting? One of the best movies ever made? True!
xoxo
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